Goodbye

“How lucky am I to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.” 

― A.A. Milne, The Complete Tales of Winnie-the-Pooh

We said goodbye to our Ruby this morning.

This past month has played out in super slow motion. And, like the saying goes, when it rains, it pours.

From the moment we saw this little girl, we knew something was not quite right. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to determine she had not had the best care. She was always fearful and easily panicked, seemed to stumble often, and was known to test even my patience when she would get lost looking over every single blade of grass for the perfect spot to do her business.

Over time, all these behaviors and a few more intensified. Every loud noise would send her into a literal tail spin and getting groomed became impossible. As her fear increased her aggression increased. I knew I needed help and reached out to other Tibetan Terrier owners.

Thanks to several people sharing their own experiences and knowledge, we had a pretty good idea what was happening to our dog.  It required sending a DNA sample to the University of Missouri.

We sent for the kit and set a DNA sample to the Orthopedic Foundations for Animals. From that sample our fears were confirmed–she had a genetic disorder called neuronal ceroid lipofuscinoses (NCL).

Looking back on her life I believe she had signs of this disorder for years. Because she came from a questionable breeder we excused a lot of her behavior to not having a good environment when she was a puppy–every odd thing she did was a reflection of her very stressful puppyhood.

I will be writing more about Ruby and our experiences with NCL over the next few weeks. It will my way of honoring my Ruby girl. It will provide a resource to help educate future dog owners on how to begin a successful search for that special dog and provide a forever home.

I will miss this clown of a dog. She always made me laugh and somehow knew when I needed her to just come sit by me. I will miss her bumping the back of my leg and zooming all over the yard narrowly missing rocks, chairs, and low lying tables.

She was a streak of pure red glory and joy.

Ruby Girl, I love you. I will miss you and that big ol’ black nose of yours. I will especially miss that silly upside down grin.

Driving home from the vet this morning, I felt the warmth of a very strong beam of sunlight burst through the heavy cloud cover. For a few seconds I felt the warmth spread across my shoulders and neck–it was like she was once again right beside me–leaning on me and acting all goofy. In those few seconds I knew she was telling me all was well–she was free at last.

I love you, Ruby Jean. Thank you for sharing your life with us, being part of our lives, and loving us all.

It was a magnificent honor.

It’s true—

When I come to you in dreams,

I’m really there.

When you see me out of 

The corner of your eye, 

I’m really there.

When you ‘sense” me

Around the place, 

I’m really there.

I haven’t left you, not really.

My spirit is everywhere,

But especially with you. 

~Author Unknown

I am…

B…simply being.

~Peace~