Personal Blog – B…simply being…

March 27, 2023

Living Proof

I wondered who I really was, beyond all that I’d been told. Maybe that’s the point of this journey, to wonder, to investigate. To piece by piece uncover the things that make me, me. To know I don’t need to prove any of the things I’ve figured out abouty myself, to anyone. But just be the living proof. ~Stacey Martin

I have been given the gift of time to slowly uncover the pieces of my life.

There are so many lessons to re-take now that I am no longer afraid.

My teachers are lining up and they are smiling.

As am I.

Peace.

March 24, 2023

Ho’oponopono

A few months ago someone shared with me the ancient Hawaiian prayer of forgiveness and healing called, Ho’oponopono.

It is a chant or a mantra that consists of these four lines:

I am sorry,
Please forgive me,
I thank you,
I love you.

The suggestion sat in the back of my mind for months. It’s been my experience, lessons wait until we are ready to “come to class.”

I use this chant as throughout the day when I feel challenged by something or triggered. What I have discovered is it gives me pause and when I concentrate on the words I am saying, it is the closest I’ve come to meditating.

I am going to attach a YouTube video which explains this prayer.

Peace.

March 22, 2023

A Texas Legend

The Legend of the Bluebonnet

The Texas fields are covered
With a blanket of deep blue.
But for a little Indian girl,
This would not be true.

Texas land was buried and dry.
Rains just would not come.
Indians danced and prayed for rain,
And beat upon their drums.

The Chief made a proclamation.
He appealed to one and all.
A prized possession must be sacrificed
Before the rains would fall.

The Indian camp was silent,
While each person searched his heart.
But when it came to sacrifice,
With possessions they would not part.

Suddenly a little girl stepped forth,
Holding her blue-clad doll.
She placed it in the roaring fire
and raindrops began to fall.

The rain brought forth the grass,
Among its blades, flowers of blue.
To be a sign for all the time
Of a love so pure and true.

~Author Unknown

Peace.

March 20, 2023

An Unmarked Highway

“Two roads diverged in a wood and I–I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the diffence.” ~Robert Frost

I have not posted in a very long time. The little voice in my head kept telling me I needed to do some work before I wrote into the next chapter of my life..

I’ve been on a long journey searching for myself.

I have discovered many things. Some have taken some time to process. Some are waiting patiently for me to share.

My path has not been smooth or even clearly marked in places. It appears I am not only directionally challenged when driving my car.

A few things I know for sure:

It is up to me to show and do the work. No one can do that for me.

I have been given so many teachers who have guided and encouraged me.

Not all teachers are human.

It is up to me to teach others.

And so it will be.

Peace.

April 15, 2022

Good Friday Thoughts

I stopped swimming a few months ago. I was exhausted.

It took a long time to pull myself away from the stuff I’d been skillfully avoiding most of my life.

As Easter and Passover approach, many of us will be gathering with family and friends. Some of us, for the first or the fiftieth time, will experience silent phones and empty chairs.

A few months ago, I realized no one ever talked about my mom after she died. No one spoke her name–ever. At the time I don’t think my young friends knew what to say and the adults around us didn’t want to make us sad.

That way of handling loss and grief became the model of how I dealt with loss the rest of my life–get over it–move on.

It wasn’t until Thanksgiving a couple of years ago I realized lighting a votive candle for those who were not with us made me feel as though they were there. After thinking about that practice, I began to understand those I’d lost over the years really were near. Their energy–their spirit–had always been with me.

My take away lesson from my thoughts today is this: talk about those who have passed on. It is healing to hear people mention your loved ones–it helps everyone realize they are not forgotten as well as open an avenue for sharing stories and memories.

A small little thing happened this week as Michael and I were in the garage. There’s been a moving box sitting against the wall since we moved in six years ago. This box is labeled “Viv’s bowl.” Vivian was my mom. I’m not sure what’s in that box but I am sure it will be in that corner for as long as we live here.

Get creative and find ways to commemorate your loved ones and share your stories this holiday weekend.

I am…

B…simply being.

Peace be with you, my friends.

April 8, 2022April 8, 2022

I’ve Been Thinking…again

I wrote my last post many months ago. I thought I was ready to write and share more of my stories.

I was wrong.

It didn’t take long before I knew I had much more work to do.

This time, I called in professional help. Our conversations eventually wound their way back to the summer my mom died. That long summer from nearly fifty years ago began to unfold before me. So many images pulled in so many emotions. My voice was hesitant at first but began to fall into the phrasing I’d used many times. This time, for the first time, I heard the details were being shared by my ten-year-old self.

At that moment I realized I’d left her back there all those years ago.

With this new awareness, I had a clear vision of my mom through the eyes of that confused and fear filled ten year old as well as the wide opened eyes of a loving adult.

It was as if someone reached over my shoulder, snapping in that long lost puzzle piece. This piece will be the strong foundation I need to keep growing, learning, and sharing.

My long sought lesson to share today is never give up on yourself. Keep working and you’ll find your answers.

I am…

B…simply being.

Peace be with you.

June 28, 2021

Treasures

God doesn’t give you the people you want, he gives you the people you need. To help you, to hurt you, to leave you, to love you, and to make you the person you are meant to be. Author Unknown

I’ve learned over the years life events cycle–ready or not.

There are the happy times, joyful times, hard times, and devastating times. Just when I start celebrating my blessings, things make an abrupt change.

It’s funny–not ha-ha funny–how I’m still taken off-guard. It reminds me of all those Survivor episodes I’ve watched where people are sitting around tribal council telling Jeff Probst they are sure they will not be the one voted off.

That’s become a pretty big indicator they will be the one going to that season’s form of Exile Island.

I’m adding my voice to those telling us to live each day to the fullest. With age it is clear change is one of the few constants. Those every day eyeopening discoveries we had in our youth are now replaced by daily shocking reminders of our mortality.

Nothing is promised. Treasure those who are near and dear and hold on tight.

Baxter Black tells us this about friends:

Friend is a word that I don’t throw around

Though it is used and abused. I still like the sound.

I save it for people I can count on if ever need be.

Some of my friends drive big limousines

Own ranches and banks and visit with queens.

And some of my friends are up to their neck

In overdue notes and can’t write a check.

They’re singers or ropers or writers of prose

And others. God bless ’em, can’t blow their own nose!

I guess bein’ friends don’t have nothin’ to do

With talent or money or known’ who’s who.

It’s a comf’terbul feelin’ when you don’t have a care

‘Bout choosin’ your words or bein’ quite fair

‘Cause friends’ll just listen and let go on by

Those words you don’t mean and not bat an eye.

It makes a friend happy to see your success.

They’re proud of yer good side and forgive all the rest

And that ain’t so easy, all of the time,

Sometimes I get crazy and seem to go blind!

Yer friend just might have to take you on home

Or remind you sometime that you’re not alone.

Or ever so gently pull you back to the ground

When you think you can fly with no one around.

A hug or a shake, whichever seems right

Is the high point of given’, I’ll tellya tonight.

All worldly riches and tributes of men

Can’t hold a candle to the worth of friend.

I am…

B…simply being.

Peace be with you, my friends.

June 21, 2021

I Am Back

“I believe that life is all about perception and timing. That good things come to those who act and that life’s about more than collecting a paycheck. I believe that the only person you’re destined to become is the one that you decide to be. That if you try hard enough you can convince yourself of anything. That having patience doesn’t make you a hero nor does it make you a doormat. I believe that not showing love proves you’re weak and belittling others doesn’t make you strong. That you are never as far away from people as the miles may suggest. That life’s too short to read awful books, listen to terrible music, or be around uninspiring people. I believe that where you start has little impact on where you finish. That sometimes the best thing you can do is walk away. That you can never be overdressed or overeducated. I believe that the cure for anything is salt water; sweat, tears, or the sea. That you should never let your memories be greater than your dreams. And that you should always choose adventure.”

― Todd Smidt

I’ve been away from my desk for a long time.

My last post was written just after I said good-by to my dog, Bud. It was the final heartbreak of a year filled with unexpected events and losses. I needed some open-ended time to refill my well.

I am better. I am ready to write.

I’ve talked about the book by Susan Hayward, The Guide for the Advanced Soul. I discovered she has a sequel to this book, Begin It Now, which was waiting for me when I returned from the coast. Even the title sent me a message. As I opened the book, this was what I read:

How much longer will you go on letting your energy sleep? How much longer are you going to stay oblivious of the immensity of yourself? Don’t lose time in conflict; lose no time in doubt–Time can never be recovered and if you miss an opportunity it may take many lives before another comes your way again. Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh

God bless you.

I am…

B…simply being.

Peace be with you.

December 11, 2020

Mr. Bud

“All his life he tried to be a good person. Many times, however, he failed. For after all, he was only human. He wasn’t a dog.” – Charles M Schulz (cartoonist, “Peanuts”)

For nearly 15 years Bud’s been beside me.

Actually, he was the ultimate diplomate. He shared his time between both Michael and me.

You never had to look far because he was beside one of us–always.

Until today.

I pretty much hate today.

Even though I know it was time to say good bye, I was grabbing at excuses.

Ask anyone, I am very very bad at good-byes.

I’d specifically asked Bud to give me a sign when he was ready. I knew he’d hang with us as long as we needed him to be here. I was holding on with all of my might, pulling out anything I could to extend his stay. Looking back, I think he’d been giving me subtle messages for some time. I had been very successful at finding a way to excuse each one.

Last night he declared himself LOUD and CLEAR. As I was getting his dinner ready he began to show signs of having a stroke.

Yup. I finally hear you, Mr. Bud.

Some important information to share with all my other dog guardians out there–if you think your dog is having some type of a vascular event, give them a baby aspirin. Maybe because I gave it to him on an empty stomach, he reacted very positively within a few minutes.

Ah–my unconvinced mind said–is this the fix? Can I hold on to him a little longer?

His eyes said very simply, no.

So…the puppy who raced around so fast in the house the only way for him to stop was to ram into the couch was telling me it was time. The puppy who could chew up dozens of pine cones and several remote controls was telling me it was time. The puppy who did not have time to take the stairs any other way but to jump from the highest point was telling me to listen. The dog who had been beside me since 2006 was ready.

He’d been tolerant of Pearl and her elderly synchronicities, befriended Gracie, trained Duffy, controlled Ruby, house trained both Abby and Eli was telling me his job was complete.

I was fortunate to be with him. Both my vet and his staff are so empathetic. I was looking into his eyes as he left this world heading up to play ball with all his friends in heaven. You all better be ready because the champion ball player has arrived.

As I sat in my car getting myself together for the drive home, the sun broke through the clouds and a strong beam of light came across my face for just a few seconds. It warmed my soul.

As always, The Bud was taking care of me and letting me know he had arrived.

I figured my sister, Beth, was there waiting for him because she had sent a sign as well when she got to heaven by way of a wonderful rainbow. Yes, Bethie told him that would definitely get my attention because she knew I was a little slow on the uptake sometimes.

Abby and Eli are very quiet. I showed them his collar and they smelled it and started looking everywhere for him. I think they now know he’s moved on but will be monitoring their fights just like always.

I am heartbroken but so thankful he is no longer suffering.

I love you and will miss you every single day.

I am…

B…simply being.

~Peace~

November 25, 2020

Day Three of a Week of Gratitude

Let us be grateful to

the people who

make us happy; they

are the charming

gardens who make

our souls blossom.

~Marcel Proust~

It’s Thanksgiving Eve, 2020.

Sigh.

I understand there are probably many people spending this holiday alone because of Covid restrictions. I understand the frustrations. Honestly I’m not sure what’s worse, not being able to go or going and then feeling guilty for going.

Regardless of the choice you make, may you be blessed, safe, and well.

I’m enjoying sharing pictures with you. Today I am sharing many so be prepared.

They’re pictures of young dogs and senior dogs, new friends and old friends, places we’ve been and places and people we loved. Thrown into the mix is a single photo of a kitten who just refused to give up.

May they make you smile.