A Mile Marker

“Just like a GPS, the universe sends you signs to show you the best course. If you follow the flow, you get where you want with ease and happiness. If you miss a turn, the road becomes longer and harder.” 

Charbel Tadros

On Saturday we went to an estate sale. I questioned whether or not we should go because it was the second day of the sale. Because it was the second day of a three day sale my expectations of finding anything were very low.

Sometimes God gives you encouragement when you least expect it.

As we walked up to the sale, I found the two baskets pictured above outside of the front door. The baskets caught my attention immediately. I shook my head and laughed to myself, thinking someone else had been a rock collector. It was mid chuckle that I realized that both baskets were filled with heart rocks–and one of my dad’s favorite things, a wooden nickel.

For me it was a subtle message from God telling me I was on course and doing just fine.

I went through each basket yesterday with a heart filled with thanks. Some of the rocks were dated along with initials. Some rocks took a lot of imagination to see the heart shape. As I turned both my head and the rocks, I wondered if these were the ones found by the grandkids. As I slowly examined each stone, I began to feel as though I’d been appointed their long awaited caretaker.

With this thought in mind, I searched for just the right place to share the blessings.

Most of them surround my little monk and St. Francis. The smaller ones found their way to places in our home where they will share continue to encourage me by way of their unique energy.

 

IMG_1777i

IMG_1778

IMG_1773

“We need to be open to ways in which we are being spoken to and in which we are receiving some form of communication. Some people call them signs. Open your heart and allow yourself to be touched by them. They are often stunning expressions of your place in the universe.” 

Susan Barbara Apollon, Touched by the Extraordinary

I am…

B…simply being. 

~Peace~

A Case of the Guilts

“I’ve got a bad case of the 3:00 am guilts – you know, when you lie in bed awake and replay all those things you didn’t do right? Because, as we all know, nothing solves insomnia like a nice warm glass of regret, depression and self-loathing.” 

D.D. Barant, Dying Bites

Yesterday was a day full of reality checks.

My first check point was at the vet’s office. Oh, this has not been a good place for me this year. Yesterday it was time for Bud to have his annual rabies vaccine plus I wanted him to have a basic check up. In a few months he will be fourteen years old. Holy Cow, in small dog years he’s eighty some years old.

With that thought firmly ingrained in my mind, I thought I was prepared to hear anything the vet told us. I was not really ready to hear he had a significant heart murmur. All my years in imaging and doing echocardiograms flew into action in an attempt to put up some huge wall in order to defend my dog and my own ultra sensitive dog loving heart. I had to let my past go in order to hear the cautions voiced by Dr. Lauren. As I listened, I filed all my worries away, a pseudo coping method I’d devised over the years so I could randomly pull each and every one out later. Until lately, I thought this was one of my best stress management skills. With all the negatives stashed away, I went on about my day.

The next check point was my dentist. I’d been dreading this trip for a very long time. As it turned out–surprise–my anxiety was wasted. Every part of my visit went well. The reality was paying out of pocket for dental care. Because dental care is so important to overall health maintenance, I don’t understand why there isn’t affordable care for all–a subject that warrants its own story time.

Early this morning all those concerns and worries I’d stashed away resurfaced and wanted my full attention. They had all jumped out of their little file folders and wanted immediate attention.

The neon sticker was flashing on the Bud folder.

My little 18 pound dog who’d been such an important part of my life for nearly fourteen years was aging faster than I’d appreciated. I’d taken his companionship for granted. The sand in the giant Wizard of Oz hourglass was running fast and running low.

My Bud teaches me every single day what matters most is simply showing up and being beside those you love. No matter where the day takes you, be there, in that moment, share your toys after an appropriate amount of time, be persistent in asking for what you want, especially those treats, and, most of all, at the end of the day,  cuddle up as close as you can.

Thanks, my Bud. I love you.

Yes, that awareness work I’ve been doing? I think God just did a test of my emergency alert system.

I believe He’s telling me I have some work to do.

“People say you don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone…truth is, you knew what you had, you just thought you’d never lose it.” 

Nitya Prakash

I am…

B…simply being. 

~Peace~

 

 

 

 

 

 

Unknown Stories

“Behind all your stories is always your mother’s story. Because hers is where yours begin.” 

Mitch Albom, For One More Day

I’ve thought about my mom a lot today.

Sixty-six years ago she was in labor, waiting for me to be born. I was her first baby and I was not waiting for my due date. This individualized perception of time is a pattern she’d battle and one I’d follow my entire life.

It’s only been the last year or so I’ve given myself time to think about my mom from an adult point of view. It’s been eye opening and heart breaking to look back with the knowledge I have from my own life experiences which intermingle with my childhood memories.

I miss her.

I love you, Mom.

“I didn’t get to grow up and pull away from her and bitch about her with my friends and confront her about the things I’d wished she’d done differently and then get older and understand that she had done the best she could and realize that what she had done was pretty damn good and take her fully back into my arms again. Her death had obliterated that. It had obliterated me. It had cut me short at the very height of my youthful arrogance. It had forced me to instantly grow up and forgive her every motherly fault at the same time that it kept me forever a child, my life both ended and begun in that premature place where we’d left off. She was my mother, but I was motherless. I was trapped by her, but utterly alone. She would always be the empty bowl that no one could full. I’d have to fill it myself again and again and again.” 

Cheryl Strayed, Wild: From Lost to Found on the Pacific Crest Trail

I am…

B…simply being. 

~Peace~  

The Gift of Friendship

There’s a miracle called friendship

that dwells within the heart

And you don’t know when it happens

or when it gets a start…

But the happiness it brings you

always gives a special lift,

And you realize that friendship is

God’s most precious gift!

~Author Unknown

As usual, as my birthday nears, I spend extra time being thankful for the gifts I’ve been given.

My greatest gifts have been the people who have been a part of my life. Standing beside me wasn’t always the easiest thing to do. I am grateful to you and for you all.

My friend, Ann, sent a package today which included the book pictured in my blog today. When I unwrapped it I was so excited. I don’t think I realized until then I’d become quite the collector of little prayer books. Thank you, Ann, for my newest prize. I will have a lot to share.

As the editor, David Schiller, says in his introduction: “…in an age characterized by its astonishing lack of humility, prayer offers a rare chance to put our inflated selves aside, and in the suddenly unburdened state that follow, rediscover the things that really matter. Which is perhaps why, living in the age that we do, we are also beginning to rediscover the need for prayer. ”

Blessed art Thou, Lord our God, King of the universe, who forms light and creates darkness, who makes peace and creates all things. 

Who mercifully sheds light upon the earth and upon all who dwell on it.

And who in His goodness, renews the works of creation every day continually. “How many are Thy works O Lord, in wisdom hast Thou made them all, the earth is filled with Thy creations!” 

Blessed art Thou, Lord our God, King of the universe, who with His word brings on the evenings, 

With wisdom opens the gates,

With understanding alters the phases, varies the seasons, 

And arranges the stars in their heavenly orbit according to His will. 

He creates day and night. 

He rolls away the light from before the darkness and the darkness from before the light,

He makes the day to pass and the night to come, and divides between day and night;

Lord of hosts in His name. 

A living and everlasting God, who shall constantly reign over us forever and ever. 

Blessed art Thou, Lord, who brings on the evenings. 

              ~Jewish Evening Blessing, “Birkat Maariv”, The Little Book of Prayers

I am…

B…simply being. 

~Peace~

 

Reset

“When someone tells me to ‘just relax,’ I wonder why they don’t hand me a book?” 

Richelle E. Goodrich, Slaying Dragons

Over the past month or so, I’ve had the gift of time.

Not only that, I had time to do whatever I wanted.

What I wanted to do–what I always want to do, given the choice–is read.

That’s exactly what I did.

I read or listened to the audio version of: Becoming, Where the Crawdads Sing, Nine Perfect Strangers, Ordinary Grace, and several of C.J. Box’s stories featuring Game Warden, Joe Pickett. If you haven’t read any of these great books, grab one soon.

I was in my personal heaven.

The added bonus–I was in my own very special place. In all the years I’ve been in this spot, it always resets my mind, heart, and soul.

I arrived in my valley needy and possessive of my time.

I knew this trip would drag up some grief. My little family had totally changed since we were there last. I knew I would need to secure some alone time in order to acknowledge those losses.

I was able to do that.

I visited the cows for Duffy and I walked our walks for Ruby.

I cried.

The best part is I felt both of those special souls beside me every single day I was there.

I didn’t recognize the power of the gift I was given until I’d been home for a few days.

I am grateful I had this time in my special valley.

My thanks to all who helped guide me along the way.

“The fact is, inner peace isn’t something that comes when you finally paint the whole house a nice shade of cream and start drinking herbal tea. Inner peace is something that is shaped by the wisdom that ‘this too shall pass’ and is fired in the kiln of self-knowledge…” 

Tania Ahsan, The brilliant book of calm: Down to Earth Ideas for Finding Inner Peace in a Chaotic World

I am…

B…simply being. 

~Peace~

 

 

 

My Friday Prayer

Heavenly Father,

As the winds blow,

Breathe in new life to my loved ones.

As the sun shines

Warm their hearts with your hope.

As the birds fly,

Lift their minds to see vision for the future.

As the plants grow,

Restore their bodies with new health.

As the rain falls,

Wash away the infection, disease and illness they suffer.

You are Lord of all.

We put our trust in you!

Amen.

Adapted from: living-prayers.com

I am…

B…simply being.

~Peace~

 

I’ve Been Busy

“I lied and said I was busy.

I was busy;

but not in a way most people understand.

I was busy taking deeper breaths.

I was busy silencing irrational thoughts.

I was busy calming a racing heart.

I was busy telling myself I am okay.

Sometimes, this is my busy –

and I will not apologize for it.” 

Brittin Oakman

I am…

B…simply being. 

~Peace~