“You need to wake up and realize that you deserve more, and there is more waiting for you out there. Stop settling; it only tarnishes and corrodes your soul.”
― Lebo Grand
As I hung up the phone, I noticed my husband, watching me.
“What was that all about?” he asked.
“Nothing, really, the “bug service” is not sending Ronnie to do our service today. They are sending Stephen.”
I waited, knowing there was something more he wanted to say.
“Why do you do that, settle for something you don’t want?”
I felt my skin bristle; my head began making small back and forth motions as I squared my shoulders. I slowly inhaled, standing just a little straighter, a little taller.
“No, I did not settle for anything, I compromised.”
The more I thought about that little verbal exchange, the more I questioned my behavior. Had I been just settling for things? Just what was the difference between settling and compromising?
I pulled up my desktop New Oxford Dictionary, typed in the word compromise:
accept standards that are lower than is desirable: we were not prepared to compromise on safety.
• [with object] weaken (a reputation or principle) by accepting standards that are lower than is desirable: commercial pressures could compromise safety.
I typed in the word settle:
• [no object] (settle for) accept or agree to (something that one considers to be less than satisfactory): it was too cold for champagne so they settled for a cup of tea.
Regardless of which word used, my gut told me I had not been true to myself lately. In an attempt to make and keep the peace, I’d been accepting some things that were not making me feel good about myself.
One little comment has made me very aware of how I allow things to unfold around me. By being “nice” I was sacrificing my self-worth. I needed to get a grip on a few things. I need to care for myself and my gentle spirit.
Awareness comes from some indirect means sometimes. I am grateful for that gift and I am very thankful I was paying attention.
“The day you start giving yourself priority and catering to your own needs first, that day everything will fall into place. Most of us were taught (or believed) that taking care of your own needs first is being selfish. Nothing can be farther from the truth. Unless you look after yourself first, how can you look after others? It has been proved beyond reasonable doubt that if you want to help others, you have to take care of your own needs first. No, you are not being selfish by doing that. Charity begins at home- in this case with your own self. You can feed others provided you have enough to eat. More often than not, you are misused if you are nice. You have to compromise many a time to suit needs of others. That way you are seconding yourself to someone else. Stop doing that. You have a right to your needs and a reasonable chance to fulfill them. Demarcate clear boundaries, draw very clear unambiguous lines and stick to them; your personal space should not be violated. If in your relationships you find that all your efforts are concentrated on pleasing others then it is high time you unshackled and freed yourself from their vice-like grip or else you will sink into quicksand with no chance of survival. If people don’t like the new you and decide to walk out, don’t stop them, they were never meant to be in your circle. Good riddance. Believe me, you will feel relieved because a very heavy load would have been lifted from your chest. Surround yourself with like-minded people who care for you, respect your individuality, see your value and don’t cross the line. They are people you should stick to- because they are genuine.”
― Latika Teotia
I am so fortunate to have an amazing photographer in my circle of Facebook friends. Thank you, Mr. Chuck Hackenmiller, for allowing me to use your wonderful photo, Corralling the Sun, as part of my blog. You can see many of Mr. Hackenmiller beautiful pictures on the Facebook page, I grew up in Iowa. Please note, no re-use of this photo without permission from Chuck Hackenmiller, Boone, Iowa.