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Seeing the Good

“You have a unique gift to offer this world. Be true to yourself, be kind to yourself, read and learn about everything that interests you and keep away from people who bring you down. When you treat yourself kindly and respect the uniqueness of those around you, you will be giving this world an amazing gift… YOU!”
― Steve Maraboli, Unapologetically You: Reflections on Life and the Human Experience

My frustrations of this week helped me to do a hard reset on how I live and experience my day.  Maybe I needed to get that negativity out in order to make room for some positive things. Whatever the reason, I now feel more in control, back to my so-called “normal,” and ready to move on.

As we begin our weekend, join me in focusing on the good around us. If you find yourself feeling like I was earlier this week, failing to find anything even close to “good,” take this opportunity to become the good you were searching for.

I now have a deeper understanding of the fact I must see and believe the good in myself before I can see it in others. I was reminded of the importance and encouraged to continue reading, writing, and learning about myself so I can share my life experiences with others. I realized as I share, I am helping others searching for answers to questions that have shadowed us all most of my lives.

As this week comes to a close, I acknowledge and affirm my intention to seek and see the good.

“For attractive lips, speak words of kindness.
For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people.
For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry.
For beautiful hair, let a child run his fingers through it once a day.
For poise, walk with the knowledge you’ll never walk alone.

We leave you a tradition with a future.
The tender loving care of human beings will never become obsolete.
People even more than things have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed and redeemed and redeemed and redeemed.
Never throw out anybody.

Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you’ll find one at the end of your arm.
As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands: one for helping yourself, the other for helping others.

Your “good old days” are still ahead of you, may you have many of them.”
― Sam Levenson, In One Era & Out the Other

I am…

B…simply being…

I love you and wish you a blessed weekend.

Peace

Many thanks, Cyndi Mead, for allowing me to share your beautiful photo posted to Iowa Abandoned Images Facebook page. 

 

 

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Lesson vs Hassle

“Much more surprising things can happen to anyone who, when a disagreeable or discouraged thought comes into his mind, just has the sense to remember in time and push it out by putting in an agreeable, determinedly courageous one. Two things cannot be in one place.”
― Frances Hodgson Burnett, The Secret Garden  

I had an “ah-ha” moment yesterday. It bubbled to the surface as I wrote my morning pages. It involves my meltdown over medications prices.

What if I’d seen that whole series of encounters and interactions as a “learning experience” instead of a hassle?

It should be called a lesson since that is exactly what it was.

I am still learning this world or retirement and how this status changes things in my new world. That entire day gave me some valuable insight, a very important thing since I will celebrate my 65th birthday this year. Every person I spoke to or met that day was incredibly helpful and informative. Everyone took extra time with me, explaining things, one kind soul even grabbed a sticky note and a pen so she could share very specific information with me.

Because I chose to focus on the inconvenience of it all, I missed the fact that, thanks to this long and arduous experience, I’d learned how to navigate through this  process, ensuring, at the very least, better odds of success next time.

Gracious God, in the busy-ness of my day, I sometimes forget to stop to thank you for all that is good in my life.

My blessings are many and my heart is filled with gratefulness for the gift of living, for the ability to love and be loved, for the opportunity to see the everyday wonders of creation, for sleep and water, for a mind that thinks and a body that feels.

I thank you, too, for those things in my life that are less than I would hope them to be. Things that seem challenging, unfair, or difficult. When my heart feels stretched and empty, and pools of tears form in my weary eyes, still, I rejoice that you are as near to me as my next breath and that in the midst of turbulence, I am growing and learning.

In the silence of my soul, I thank you most of all for your unconditional and eternal love.
Amen

~Rabbi Naomi Levy~

I am…

B…simply being…

Be kind to yourself and others, my dear friends, remembering how precious you are and how very much you are loved.

Peace

Thanks again today, my friend, Kimberlee Salimeno, for granting me the use of another one of her wonderful pictures. I love you.

 

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Stop with the Small Stuff

“Things you may take for granted, other people are praying for”
― Marlan Rico Lee

Yesterday I ranted on and on about the cost of prescription drugs. I was frustrated and I was angry about the whole process. From working with the physician to secure the best medication for me to gathering all my new insurance information to presenting all of that to the pharmacy, I was unprepared for more roadblocks.

I needed to vent. You, my friends, were front and center.

After all that, I came across a letter written by Holly Butcher, a young Australian woman who died last week from Ewing’s Sarcoma. She was only 27 years old. Her family shared her letter of advice online. This is part of her letter:

“I just want people to stop worrying so much about the small, meaningless stresses in life and try to remember that we all have the same fate after it all so do what you can to make your time feel worthy and great, minus the bull—,” she wrote.

Hol, as she was known to family and friends, implored those reading to not get preoccupied with the little things and to appreciate every moment in a life that will lead to only one final fate.

“I swear you will not be thinking of those things when it is your turn to go,” wrote Butcher. “It is all SO insignificant when you look at life as a whole. I’m watching my body waste away right before my eyes with nothing I can do about it and all I wish for now is that I could have just one more Birthday or Christmas with my family, or just one more day with my partner and dog.

This certainly made me stop…think…and let my frustrations go. Once again, I’d had found a new teacher just when I needed one.

Thank you, Holly, for giving me and many others this important and much needed gift and insight.

God bless you and your family.

I am…

B…simply being…

Wishing you all love and many blessings.

Peace

My thanks to my friend, Kimberly Salimeno, for sharing her beautiful picture with me. 

 

 

 

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Breathe

“Dear Lord, I ask that you help me make it through today with patience, understanding, and calmness in my heart. I ask that you replace any darkness in my life with light and my frustrations with joy. I ask these things in Jesus’s name, amen.”
― Ron Baratono, The Writings of Ron Baratono

Today has been a challenge.

I’ve spent a great deal of time trying to fill a prescription.

I’ve failed. I’m frustrated. I’m angry.

The cost of prescriptions I once filled for nominal cost now cost hundreds of dollars. It is insane.

I finally had to stop for the day, leaving it to the physician to re-write the prescription in a way that will enable me to use the coupon he gave me. If I cannot use the cost savings of that coupon, I’ll no longer take the medication.

How does anyone afford the cost of medications in today’s marketplace? The drugs I take are not luxury drugs. Their use would definitely make my life better. With them, I won’t be walking around looking as if I’m going through some delayed adolescence. I never had serious acne. Now, thanks to my genetics, I’ve developed Rosacea, a skin condition that causes inflamed skin and acne. For months, it’s been angry and flaring. After seeing a dermatologist, I was encouraged and hopeful he’d found a way to help.

Even with his years of experience, we are failing.

My complaint is silly compared to the serious problems many others face in today’s healthcare arena.

If I wasn’t so angry, I’d be embarrassed.

Okay…take a deep breath–take another–take one more…

I’m going to follow my Mom’s quiet words, “Barbie, if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything.”

Thanks, Mom. I’m going to take heed and head for a glass of wine.

Calling a timeout for this girl scout.

“Frustration is an interesting emotional state, because it tends to bring out the worst in whoever is frustrated. Frustrated babies tend to throw food and make a mess. Frustrated citizens tend to execute kings and queens and make a democracy. And frustrated moths tend to bang up against lightbulbs and make light fixtures all dusty.”
― Lemony Snicket, The Wide Window

I am…

B…simpling being…

Love and peace, Y’all.

 

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Seekers

…what I know for sure is that speaking your truth is the most powerful tool we all have. And I’m especially proud and inspired by all the women who have felt strong enough and empowered enough to speak up and share their personal stories. Each of us in this room are celebrated because of the stories that we tell, and this year we became the story.  

Oprah Winfrey

Listening to Oprah Winfrey’s acceptance speech at last night’s Gold Globes was inspiring, her words encouraging me to continue on this journey of telling my own stories.

I’m still unsure where this path will take me.  I’m wary of what I may uncover and wonder if some questions are best not answered.

My search criteria are simple and have defined my needs.

In order to find my own inner peace, I must and will continue to read and write, staying aware, getting feedback from my head, my heart, and most of all, my gut. This is my investigation of my life–I am my only true witness.

I’m not alone in this search. There are other cautious, weary travelers walking toward the unknown. We don’t speak. There’s no need for words. We’ve been together on this path before, few able to conjure up the courage needed to turn that last corner.

This time, it feels different. This time, we’re joining hands, risking a quick glance and faint smile, knowing, together, we can and will succeed.

“Maybe you leave because you long to know.
Maybe you leave
not because of longing
but because you must.
Or maybe you leave
simply to find the answers
you’ve held inside of you
all along.”
― Marisa Donnelly, Somewhere on a Highway

I am…

B…simply being…

Love and peace, my friends.

 

 

 

 

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A Little More of the Story

“Finished crap can be edited. Unfinished greatness languishes forever. The only bad writing is the thing you didn’t write!”
― Margarita Gakis

At times, I can be a slow learner. I shift into low gear, over-analyzing some lessons and life experiences, making them extremely difficult and complicated. Because I don’t fully understand what is being taught or tested, self-doubt creeps in when my guard is down. With fear at the reins, I start trivializing the whole experience.

I now understand I did this because in my mind I cannot fail–that is not an option. In order to maintain my family expectations, I pretended all is well. I’d work on this project and that project for a while, early on determining whatever I was working on was either too difficult or too simple. With that finely honed skill, I’d walk away from one task after another, allowing many to quietly slip away to sit alongside many others.

Over this past year, I’ve written about this behavior in hopes of discovering why I was such a star procrastinator. This dedication to self  helped me begin to understand some of the reasons. The more I wrote, the more I began to see the pattern of self-deception which grew into a lifetime of disruptive behavior.

My Dad made it very clear that I was expected to do my best. My kid brain interpreted that to mean I had to be perfect. I was far from perfect but I became very good at pretending. Pretending can be very tough for a kid. Before long, my act began to develop weak spots. Over time, I learned how to patch those tears and quiet my internal critic.

All I had to do was make sure I was always, always, always busy.

When new assignments came along, I’d work on them whenever I could make the time. Because I was so busy, there was never enough time. I’d fill what extra moments I had with something I wanted to do, pushing that not so favorite job further into the land of tomorrow. By delaying, I’d found a way to put myself in hyper mode, ensuring I’d get it done–but not until the very last moment. This methodology always provided the perfect excuse in case what I’d been working on was not done as well as it could or should have been done. Or, if the whole project failed, it wasn’t my fault. I just did not have enough time.

Over this past year, I began to see how my fear of not being good enough–not being perfect–evolved into procrastination. I saw, often in spite of myself, I’d always ended up doing pretty well. I may not have gotten that A, but I’d never failed. My procrastination was a symptom of my self-doubt. I understood I no longer needed games or excuses. I was good enough simply by being me–by being who I am.

“You are always a valuable, worthwhile human being — not because anybody says so, not because you’re successful, not because you make a lot of money — but because you decide to believe it and for no other reason.”
― Wayne W. Dyer

I am…

B…simply being…

Love and peace, Y’all.

Thank you, my dear friend, Mary, for letting me borrow your birthday bouquet today.  I Love you.

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Just Wait

“My mother always told me I wouldn’t amount to anything because I procrastinate. I said, ‘Just wait.”
― Judy Tenuta

I am a master procrastinator. So impressed am I by my great skill, I’ve actually researched this great art. In my search, I found this quote from one of my favorite authors:

“The scholar’s greatest weakness: calling procrastination research.”
― Stephen King, 11/22/63

Yes, that was not a good sign, I was now getting busted by my quotes.

I needed to find something to help me get something done. I’d become too proficient at finding ways to push things off until tomorrow.

What do I do and where do I start?

This is when I discovered MOOCs. What in the world are MOOCs? They are Massive Open Online Courses. They are free–unless you want a certificate of completion. There are many courses available on just about every subject imaginable. I began with a MOOC called Learning about Learning with Barbara Oakley, Ph.D.  This course was exactly what I needed. Each lesson taught me new methods of learning.  Not only that, this new way of learning gave me the opportunity to start something and successfully complete it. Completing something is a very big thing for a procrastinator. Because I found the entire course so interesting, I wanted to get all I could out of it.

One of the biggest things I was able to add to my brand new writer’s toolbox was the Pomodoro technique. By using this technique, I’ve been able to write and share my stories daily.

Let me share with you my Pomodoro technique.

Before putting my new tool into practice, I needed to totally commit to making my stories happen. I had to tell myself I was ready to step out of my own comfort zone. I was ready to put my writing out there and risk criticism. What made this work for me was the fact this was an investment in myself for myself. What anyone else thought was okay. If people read my stories and liked them, I’d been given an extra special bonus. If they did not, I was ready to let it go.

Using the Pomodoro technique has become my routine. When I sit down to write, whether it’s my morning pages or my stories, all electronic devices are off and out of reach. Any sounds that could disrupt me are silenced. As Professor Oakley points out in one of her lessons, music can be a good thing to have in the background. She cautions listening to music with lyrics. I’ve always studied with music. To prove or disprove this for myself, I did a quick experiment–playing music with and without lyrics. I was surprised. Within a few minutes of starting the playlist of songs with words, my thought process was distracted and I felt off, almost irritated. After switching to the instrumental playlist, my mind began to settle back down, I felt more at ease, my thoughts flowing smoothly along with the music. Maybe this was a reflection of my age. Whatever the reason, my background music is now instrumental, mostly classical or Celtic in nature.

Once I have all my distractions out-of-the-way, I set a timer for twenty to thirty minutes. If I am tired, I dial in twenty. If I’m feeling rested and ready, I dial in thirty. I’ve found a timer is important. Without that, I was always checking the time. Even with the timer set, it took time for me to trust that the timer was set and working. After a few days, my mind had trained itself to let go and work. For that twenty to thirty minutes, my focus is on working on my specific task–the ONLY goal is to work on this one thing for the designated amount of time. My focus is not on getting it done. My focus is on working.

Once the time has expired, it’s time for a reward. That reward is very important–take the reward you have set up for yourself. Whether it’s checking your email or your phone for text messages–do it. There have been times when I needed a big break in order to rest my mind so I can do a final proofread. These are the times when I go outside for a short walk around the yard or around the block. During these breaks, my subconscious mind is working away on the loose ends of my project. When I return for my next session, the words I’d been searching for are often right there for me.

If you’ve never tried this technique before, give it a try. It took me a good week to really get comfortable using it and adapting it to my specific way of working. Within a few days of continued success, I was sold. What surprised me was how each successful experience fostered more successful sessions. I am learning that nothing beats down procrastination faster than the sweet feeling of a job well DONE.

“Success is not obtained overnight. It comes in installments; you get a little bit today, a little bit tomorrow until the whole package is given out. The day you procrastinate, you lose that day’s success.”
― Israelmore Ayivor

I am…

B…simply being…

Sending you all love and prayers for many blessings.

Peace

 

 

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Busyness

“Busyness is not a reason for not getting other things done. It is an excuse for not claiming your true priorities.”
― Alan Cohen

I seem to be sputtering in this new year.

Maybe it’s the cold weather? Just typing that sentence sounds lame. Honestly, I certainly have it very cushy here in Texas compared to my friends to the North.

What really is the deal?

My best guess is the holidays distracted me and took me off course. At the end of 2017, I was feeling comfortable at my desk. Thanksgiving, Christmas, and the New Year opened up easy stories to share. Now, I need to determine where I want to go from here and chart a course. Without a specific goal, I will continue to fumble. It’s time to think about where I go from here.

As I ask for guidance, I share this with you.

“As the old year retires and a new one is born, we commit into the hands of our Creator the happenings of the past year and ask for direction and guidance in the new one. May He grant us His grace, His tranquility, and His wisdom!”
― Peggy Toney Horton, Does God Want Us to Be Happy

I am…

B…simply being…

Sending you all my love.

~Peace~

 

 

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Looking Ahead

“For last year’s words belong to last year’s language
And next year’s words await another voice.”
― T.S. Eliot, Four Quartets

Last week a co-worker and friend from my past visited us for a few days. Ellen Morris and her husband, Fred, stopped for a few days as they made their way to South Texas. It was a treat to get my Iowa fix and catch up on what was happening in my old hometown. Thank you, Ellen and Fred, for taking time to visit and help us celebrate the end of 2017. May 2018 be filled with adventures and discoveries as you both begin your first full year of retirement. I love you. God bless you.

In years past, I’ve had a long list of things to do in the year ahead–many items carried over from previous years.  This year, my list feels more fluid, shorter but more specific, less traditional but more personal, less formal but more realistic. I am now aware I am a work in progress. That realization is an amazing gift I can use as the cornerstone to build upon this year.

I’ve re-committed myself to writing, starting a reading/resource list as I re-organized books in my office and on my electrical devices. Learning to make the most of the amazing tools surrounding me is critical. By expanding and strengthening that knowledge, I can research and write more fully, efficiently, and quickly. Last, but far from least, I will continue to work and define my daily schedule. As my new passion grows and evolves, this will enable me to establish a better balance between writing and the rest of my day–helping me get back to and keep the easy and simple life.

“The point of simple living, for me has got to be:
A soft place to land
A wide margin of error
Room to breathe
Lots of places to find baseline happiness in each and every day”
― Leo Babauta

I am…

B…simply being…

I love you.

Peace

 

 

 

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Blue Velvet

“In the New Year, never forget to thank your past years because they enabled you to reach today! Without the stairs of the past, you cannot arrive at the future!”
― Mehmet Murat ildan

I found this necklace a few years ago as we were packing to move. The memories that this little piece of jewelry brought to me were vivid and came with a soundtrack–Bobby Vinton singing Blue Velvet.

I’ve had this necklace since New Year’s Eve, 1966. If I did not have the necklace, I would have thought this memory was just some sort of dream.

1966 was a tough year for me. My Dad had remarried and I was pretty confused. That was not new. I’d been questioning many things for several years, from the time of my Mom’s difficult pregnancy which resulted in the loss of my little brother to her cancer diagnosis to her death. Having a “new mom” was uncomfortable–for lack of a better word.

I was twelve and lost. No one talked about my Mom. I think they were afraid talking about her would hurt me. I ached to talk about her and confess how sorry I was for not spending more time with her. When Dad told us he was getting married to Irene, I felt like he was slamming the door on the past, on every memory of my Mom.

I started to act out. Looking back with my adult eyes, I see classic acting out behavior. To my Dad and his new wife, I needed discipline. In my kid’s mind, I think I thought if I acted up enough, Irene would leave. The only thing my bad behavior did was create more tension in an already very tense household.

On this New Year’s Eve, I was still grounded for lying about having chorus practice so I could go and hang out with my friends. This was an incredibly stupid lie that marked the beginning of my year of rebellion. My home no longer felt like home so I needed my friends more than ever.

At dinner that night, Dad and Irene told us they were going out with friends. I was relieved to have them gone–it would be a night my sisters and I could do what we wanted.

Now’s when things get a little odd.

Later that evening, the phone rang. It was one of the boys from our group of friends. He wanted to know if he could come over–he had something for me.

What?

I kinda had a boyfriend–in an extremely broad definition of the word–and this was not that boy.

Well…I said yes. I knew Dad and Irene would be out until well after midnight–my sisters were asleep and both could sleep through just about anything.

Irene had a Hi-Fi system set up in our dining room so I had an album already playing when he got there. If nothing else, the music would cover up the sound of the front door opening just in case my sisters did wake up. I imagine we probably shared a pop and then we began to dance. I can’t remember if we played other albums. I remember we danced for hours to Bobby Vinton. If I really thought about it, I’m sure I could sing you every song on the side that played over and over that night–the song that brings me back immediately to our darkened living room is Blue Velvet.

The picture in my mind is so clear. We were two kids, really, holding each other–we did not talk or even look at each other. We danced–slowly, closely and innocently.

Shortly after midnight, he left for home. As he was heading out the door, he handed me a little box with this necklace inside. I think he said something like, “I got this for you. And no, I did not steal it.”

This little necklace is yet another thing that has survived many moves. It represents one of the sweetest evenings of my life. I don’t know why he came over, I don’t know why he bought me this present, and I don’t remember either one of us ever talking about being together that night. I don’t think I ever told anyone about this night and I doubt he did, either. It was yet another thing at this time of my life that seems like it just never happened.

Maybe he was an angel in disguise–sent to hold me at a time when I needed that simple act of kindness.

As I’ve written my stories these past few months, there are some memories that seem to have a life of their own–they continue to take me surprise by the depth of emotion they bring with them.  This is definitely one of the best and dearest.

Happy New Year, my friends. May God bless us all.

I am…

B…simply being…

I love you.

Peace