A Very Sad Wet Day

The sun did not shine. It was too wet to play. So we sat in the house. All that cold, cold, wet day.” 

Dr. Seuss, The Cat in the Hat

Since we moved into our house I’ve told everyone Lake LBJ would never flood.

Never say never.

Throughout the night we heard siren after siren signaling more flood gates were opened at Wirtz Dam. This morning the Lower Colorado River Authority could not keep up with the massive amount of water coming into Lake LBJ.

Our little communities on the shores of Lake LBJ washed away as flood waters rose.

I’ve sat in front of the TV hypnotized as docks, boats, homes, and collapsed bridges washed over Starke Dam.

Put Texas on your prayer list tonight. The rain has slowed but the Llano River upstream will crest for the second time later tonight at a level even higher than what was seen today.

God, I need to know that You are with me; that You hear my cry, I long to feel Your presence not just this day but every day. When I am weak and in pain, I need to know You are beside me. That in itself is often comfort enough. I do not pretend to know Your ways, to know why this world You have created can be so beautiful, so magnificent, and yet so harsh, so ugly, and so full of hate. The lot You have bestowed upon me is a heavy one. I am angry. I want to know why: why the innocent must suffer, why life is so full of grief. There are times when I want to have nothing to nothing to do with You. When to think of You brings nothing but confusion and ambivalence. And there are times, like this time, when I see to return to You, when I feel the emptiness that comes when I am far from You. Watch over me and my loved ones. Forgive me for all that I have not been. Help me appreciate all that I have, and to realize all that I have to offer. Help me to find my way back to you so I may never be alone. Amen.   Naomi Levy, To Begin Again

I am…

B…simply being…

God bless. Please stay safe my dear friends.

~Peace~

My thanks to Texas Parks and Wildlife for the photo I’m using today.

Hell-o, Doctor?

“Your warmth has more healing power upon the patient than all the medical tools in the world.” 

Abhijit Naskar, Time to Save Medicine

I had my “Welcome to Medicare” physical today.

This was my second physical with “my personal care provider.”

I have no doubts he is a good doctor. I am having doubts whether he is the right fit for me.

I think I’ve figured out why finding “the one” is so difficult for me. It is not unlike dating–in the dating world and in the seeking a physician world, both parties have expectations of what they expect from each other.

To clarify, I come from a long healthcare career. For most of my so-called adult life, my physicians were people I knew from working with them. They knew me not only as a fellow healthcare worker but as a person. Many knew my family–which was not always a plus. When I had an appointment with them, they listened to my concerns and knew I had some knowledge to contribute on how things progressed from there. We talked. We had eye contact. We questioned back and forth as we planned together.

Retirement changed that. We moved to a new state and entered the world of the self-insured. It has been a rough road with not many good advisers out there.  I’ve learned what it’s like to be on the other side of healthcare. It is not a comfortable place to be nor is the forecast for the immediate future favorable.

Today I sat beside my physician, telling him about my latest symptoms while reviewing my list of questions, yearning for the eye contact confirming he actually heard my concerns. As I spoke, I watched, leaving little breaks in my dissertation, hoping that’d encourage some type of acknowledgement. Not the case. My silence seemed to give him the opportunity to progress through his forms more quickly. I wondered if he’d noticed I’d stopped talking. I don’t think so. My pauses did give me time to realized most of what I’d shared with him only brushed the surface of my real concerns. Sadly, this made me aware he was completely unaware of how uneasy I was entering this phase of my life. I’d filled out all the forms and answered all the questions honestly… I had not been depressed. My energy level was good. I did exercise. My home was safe. Okay–yes, I still had my daily glass or two of wine…As he checked off his boxes in his history taking form, I realized I was not going to get the level of empathetic care I’d hoped.

This was and is so sad to me.

At a time when we “seniors” most need a healthcare provider to care for us physically, mentally, and emotionally, most of those needs do not have a corresponding box on any of those review of systems pages.

Did I get good care today?

It’s all still pretty new to me. I think I received the level of care that is standard practice today. Does that make it good care? I guess that depends on how you define that good care.

I don’t think all the government and insurance companies rules and regulations have made anything better or safer. I guess that probably wasn’t the real reason anyway. What it did do was create a badly engineered money-making machine that continues to wobble on in spite of itself. No one knows how to fix it so we all, physician and patient, do our best to adapt in order to survive.

“THE MAXIMS OF MEDICINE 

Before you examine the body of a patient,

Be patient to learn his story.

For once you learn his story,

You will also come to know

His body.

Before you diagnose any sickness,

Make sure there is no sickness in the mind or heart.

For the emotions in a man’s moon or sun,

Can point to the sickness in

Any one of his other parts.

Before you treat a man with a condition,

Know that not all cures can heal all people.

For the chemistry that works on one patient,

May not work for the next,

Because even medicine has its own

Conditions.

Before asserting a prognosis on any patient,

Always be objective and never subjective.

For telling a man that he will win the treasure of life,

But then later discovering that he will lose,

Will harm him more than by telling him

That he may lose,

But then he wins.

THE MAXIMS OF MEDICINE by Suzy Kassem” 

Suzy Kassem, Rise Up and Salute the Sun: The Writings of Suzy Kassem

I am…

B…simply being…

God bless.

~Peace~

In My Neighborhood

“The best antidote I know for worry is work. The best cure for weariness is the challenge of helping someone who is even more tired. One of the great ironies of life is this: He or she who serves almost always benefits more than he or she who is served.” 

Gordon B. Hinckley, Standing for Something: 10 Neglected Virtues That Will Heal Our Hearts and Homes

So many in our world need help. We seem to go from one disaster to another. I imagine I am not the only one wondering how they can help.

What we all need to remember is it doesn’t require a disaster.

It may be as simple as helping our neighbor take out the trash or using our professional knowledge to help them understand new medications or medical equipment. We are here to help each other. If we have the ability and the knowledge to help, what a blessing we could be without leaving our neighborhood.

There is no question our neighbors appreciate our help. What continues to surprise me is how much better we feel after we give our help and support.

 Dear God, when my problems seem overwhelming, I trust you to take care of what I cannot. I choose to fix my gaze on your and trust in your mighty power. I know that nothing will happen that is outside of your knowledge or control. Teach me to find shelter in your presence, to follow you one day at a time, and take the steps that will overcome the challenges I face.  Amen.  Maria Shriver, I’ve Been Thinking…

I am…

B…simply being…

God bless.

~Peace~

Nature’s Remedy

“The best remedy for those who are afraid, lonely or unhappy is to go outside, somewhere where they can be quite alone with the heavens, nature and God. Because only then does one feel that all is as it should be and that God wishes to see people happy, amidst the simple beauty of nature. As longs as this exists, and it certainly always will, I know that then there will always be comfort for every sorrow, whatever the circumstances may be. And I firmly believe that nature brings solace in all troubles.” 

Anne Frank, The Diary of a Young Girl

Earlier today a Monarch Butterfly granted us an extended visit. For about thirty minutes she explored the flowering shrubs in the Donna-Bethie garden.

What a gift she gave us today! While we savored our coffee we were given a brilliant show from one of God’s true masterpieces.

A human being is a part of the whole called by us universe, a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feeling as something separated from the rest, a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty.” 

Albert Einstein

I am…

B…simply being…

God bless.

~Peace~

A Prayer for Comfort

Heavenly Father,
You hold time within your hands, and see it all, from beginning to end. Please keep and carry these precious people in their sadness and loss. Cover them with your great wings of love, give their weary hearts rest and their minds sound sleep. Lord, lift their eyes so that they may catch a glimpse of eternity, and be comforted by the promise of heaven.

We ask all this in the precious name of Jesus.

Amen.

My thoughts and prayers are focused on one of my dearest friends. Words escape me so I am drawing on prayer.

I am…

B…simply being…

May God bless them and send His angels to comfort them.

~Peace be with you~

A Day at a Time

“You never know what’s around the corner. It could be everything. Or it could be nothing. You keep putting one foot in front of the other, and then one day you look back and you’ve climbed a mountain.” 

Tom Hiddleston

Today two friends are facing some serious challenges. Now, these women are very strong and courageously independent. They will persevere because that is what they do.

So, instead of sitting idly by and worrying for and about them, I’ll do what I do best…

I’ll write and send them love and prayers.

In addition to that, I ask us all, myself included, to remember this:

“The key is this: Meet today’s problems with today’s strength. Don’t start tackling tomorrow’s problems until tomorrow. You do not have tomorrow’s strength yet. You simply have enough for today.” 

Max Lucado, Traveling Light: Releasing the Burdens You Were Never Intended to Bear

Dear God, when my problems seem overwhelming, I trust you to take care of what I cannot. I trust youth take care of what I cannot. I choose to fix my gaze on you and trust in your mighty power. I know that nothing will happen that is outside of our knowledge or control. Teach me to find shelter in your presence, to follow you one day at a time, and to take the steps that will overcome the challenges I face.  Amen.                                                            Maria Shriver, I’ve Been Thinking…

I am…

B…simply being…

God bless.

~Peace~

 

 

 

Remember…

“My Dear Friend, 

Don’t ever allow yourself to forget how incredibly special you are, even for a single second. Without you, the world would not be as magnificent. Let yourself remember to love again, starting with you loving you.” 

Miya Yamanouchi, Embrace Your Sexual Self: A Practical Guide for Women

I rarely admit it but I DO realize when I’ve pushed myself too hard.

A never fail, serious red flag is the word “should.” Any time I use that word it always signals something is out of  balance.

The latest subtle example….

I was washing dishes yesterday. No big deal–it was a simple, easy, uncomplicated job. That was until a Pyrex baking dish slipped out of my hands. It fell maybe three inches, hitting the wall of the sink, exploding into a zillion pieces all over the kitchen and dining room. Words began to fly…all mine–all unkind…

Step into the picture, my husband.

God bless you, Michael.

He calmly took charge of the clean up while I used every phrase I could grab from my past in order to describe how inept I was–not narrowing it down to any specific event but gathering every little thing I could in order to make it an all-inclusive evaluation.

Yup.

It was not pretty.

I know many of you know exactly what I’m talking about.

I took a deep breath. After some under my breath protests, I stepped aside, wisely letting Michael help me get it all put together again.

By the grace of God, I made my way back to the place I’d been many times–the little slip of land where I wash up after pushing myself to the limit–where I finally relax and allow myself to rest.

I am thankful…

Dear God, please  help me to let go of trying to be perfect. Help me to realize that I am okay as I am. I was born sacred, and I will always be sacred. Help me to remember that when I stay focused on comparing myself to others–or to some illusion of perfection–I always come up short, and that’s not honoring the gift of life you’ve given me. Help me to remember I am one of your precious children, and I am enough.  Amen.  

Maria Shriver, I’ve Been Thinking

I am…

B…simply being…

God bless you all.

~Peace~

What if….

Always ask yourself: “What will happen if I say nothing?” 

Kamand Kojouri

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking this week even though I’ve been re-posting old stories. Honestly, having time to think is my favorite part of retirement.

As I begin the weekend, I’ve been thinking how to continue being kind.

I consciously worked on being kind as I ran errands yesterday.

I was patient with those who wanted to merge into traffic–you know the ones–slowly sliding towards your lane without signaling their intent. I don’t understand why the simple act of merging has to be so difficult. I canNOT read your mind, people! Are you trying to read a text or do you want to change lanes? Make it easy for all of us–flip on that little turn signal and give us a clue. Staying true to my goal, I threw in extra prayers while giving each driver additional time for me to “Intuit” what might be their next move.

Since I’m being honest, I have to admit to having a little feeling that maybe this was not so noble–maybe it was my rather sneaky way of taking control.

I’m not sure.

What I do know for sure is by taking this very round about approach, my blood pressure decreased noticeably–SCORE FOR ME!

Yesterday’s list also included the grocery store. That is a big assignment.

To make this work I knew I had to shove an extra big dose of patience into my pocket.

I mighta, coulda,  shoulda taken a double dose.

Taking a deep breath, I smiled while allowing people to chat across the middle of the aisles, cut in front of me as if I were invisible, suddenly park their cart three inches from me, heading off to heaven knows where.

As I stood in line with my few items, a young man quietly came up behind me with one bottle of juice. I shook my head–he was probably on his break. When he looked up and made eye contact with me, I suggested he go in front of me. He looked surprised and asked if I was sure–I said yes. He thanked me while paying for his purchase–completely that act of kindness perfectly.

The best and most surprising part of this morning was how peaceful and happy I was when I got home. It cost me nothing to gain so much.

You guys gotta try a day of being kind.

It’s the best.

“ The Paradoxical Commandments 

People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered.

Love them anyway.

If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives.

Do good anyway.

If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies.

Succeed anyway.

The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.

Do good anyway.

Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.

Be honest and frank anyway.

The biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds.

Think big anyway.

People favor underdogs but follow only top dogs.

Fight for a few underdogs anyway.

What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.

Build anyway.

People really need help but may attack you if you do help them.

Help people anyway.

Give the world the best you have and you’ll get kicked in the teeth.

Give the world the best you have anyway.” 

Kent M. Keith, The Silent Revolution: Dynamic Leadership in the Student Council

I am…

B…simply being…

God bless.

~Peace~

Thank you, Kimberlee Salimeno, for letting me use your wonderful picture in my post today. This always makes me feel like you are sitting here with me as I write. Thank you. I love you.   

Being Invisible

“The curse of mortality. You spend the first portion of your life learning, growing stronger, more capable. And then, through no fault of your own, your body begins to fail. You regress. Strong limbs become feeble, keen senses grow dull, hardy constitutions deteriorate. Beauty withers. Organs quit. You remember yourself in your prime, and wonder where that person went. As your wisdom and experience are peaking, your traitorous body becomes a prison.” 

Brandon Mull, Fablehaven

Turning 65 has put me in a thinking mood.

I’m very grateful to be sitting here talking about getting older. Far too many people never had this opportunity. Today I’m sharing some observations of myself and my behavior.

I love to work in the yard and I love learning how to use my new John Deere tractor. What I’ve yet to fully realized is my body is not as strong as it once was nor is it very forgiving these days. A full day of yard work may make itself known for several days afterwards. My very stubborn mind refuses to recognize this fact. This internal conflict puts additional stress on my rather tenuous sense of humor. Being able to laugh at myself is something I’ve always had to work on. Even with all that awareness on board, I often fail and become that crabby old woman I complained about as a kid. Now–another lesson learned by this life experience–maybe many crabby older people are that way because they are in pain.

“Having buck teeth in junior high,” she rounded up unsteadily, “must

be ideal preparation for getting old. For pretty people, aging is a dumb

shock. It’s like, what’s going on? Why doesn’t anyone smile at me at

checkout anymore? But it won’t be a shock for me. It’ll be, oh that. That

again. Teeth.” 

Lionel Shriver, The Post-Birthday World 

As a kid I did not have buck teeth but I was not one of the pretty or cute girls everyone noticed immediately. The only way I eventually got noticed was to speak up–with shy persistence it worked. I’m not sure how long ago it was I noticed I’d become invisible–even with my usual vocalization. It didn’t matter where I was–a grocery store, a retail store, waiting in line at the airport–some kind of magic clock had fallen over me. This meant I had to put my introvert tendencies aside and increase my volume–I had to really speak up. This was a very tough assignment. I don’t know–maybe this is all part of some extra-credit course I’ve been given in that course on self-worth I’ve continued to see on my life studies schedule?

“[she felt] sorry for herself, for getting older, for being mortal, for all the music she still wanted to hear, the books she intended to read, the places she had meant to visit, the things she had promised herself she’d learn one day […] and probably never would because time was beginning to feel like a fast express train that no longer stopped at all the stations.” 

Francesca Marciano, The Other Language

What’s most impressive to me is the fact that time seems to go faster every single day. I think I’ve talked about this before–when you are 20 years old, time goes 20 miles per hour, when your 40, times goes 40 miles per hour, when you 65, time goes 65 miles per hour…this thing called time definitely has my attention and there is no way I’m aware of to slow it down.

“Wisdom is the reward for surviving our own stupidity.” 

Brian Rathbone, Regent

One of the last things I’m sharing today is my tendency to judge other people and their behavior. I certainly have no room to pass any type of judgement. I’ve shared the prayer, An Anonymous Abbess, several times and want to include it today. It has become one of my favorite prayers.

More than ever, I pray for kindness. We are so quick to dislike people who disagree with us–whether it’s what we wear, what we say, what we eat, or where we live–we use our differences as grounds for hatred. I pray we remain open, learning from those we don’t understand, agreeing or respectfully disagreeing and move on in peace.

“Prayer of an Anonymous Abbess:

Lord, thou knowest better than myself that I am growing older and will soon be old. Keep me from becoming too talkative, and especially from the unfortunate habit of thinking that I must say something on every subject and at every opportunity.

Release me from the idea that I must straighten out other peoples’ affairs. With my immense treasure of experience and wisdom, it seems a pity not to let everybody partake of it. But thou knowest, Lord, that in the end I will need a few friends.

Keep me from the recital of endless details; give me wings to get to the point.

Grant me the patience to listen to the complaints of others; help me to endure them with charity. But seal my lips on my own aches and pains — they increase with the increasing years and my inclination to recount them is also increasing.

I will not ask thee for improved memory, only for a little more humility and less self-assurance when my own memory doesn’t agree with that of others. Teach me the glorious lesson that occasionally I may be wrong.

Keep me reasonably gentle. I do not have the ambition to become a saint — it is so hard to live with some of them — but a harsh old person is one of the devil’s masterpieces.

Make me sympathetic without being sentimental, helpful but not bossy. Let me discover merits where I had not expected them, and talents in people whom I had not thought to possess any. And, Lord, give me the grace to tell them so.

Amen” 

Margot Benary-Isbert

I am…

B…simply being…

God bless.

~Peace~

Thank you, Kimberlee Salimeno for letting me use your picture in today’s blog. It is beautiful as are you. I thank and love you.

 

 

 

 

Self Examination

My body told me it was time for a rest today so I am re-posting from earlier this year.

“I may not always be with you 

But when we’re far apart

Remember you will be with me

Right inside my heart” 

Marc Wambolt, Poems from the Heart

I spent today thinking about and being thankful for the people who have been and are so important to me. It was a very good day.

As I learn more about myself and my life, I find my self-examination has enabled me to be more aware of my many blessings. I realize I could not have seen any of these things until now because I’ve spent most of my life in survival mode. I was blind to my gifts because I was always on alert–unsure of anything and afraid everything I cared about could and would simply disappear. I am beginning to realize the reasons for my fears. It is a difficult task–some days more successful than others. All-in-all, I am encouraged. The beauty of this challenge is the more I understand, the more peaceful I feel.

I see the love of those who’ve stood by me in a new light, trusting and believing they will always be with me. This new-found understanding and belief system has blown my little world wide open.

I AM worthy and I am grateful.

“Piglet noticed that even though he had a very small heart, it could hold a rather large amount of Gratitude.”

A.A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh

I am…

B…simply being…

God bless.

~Peace~