My Guidance

I was clearing some space on my desk when I saw my Guide for the Advanced Soul sitting beside my computer. I am always curious about what that little book will tell me. This is the guidance the Universe sent my way:

The people we are in relationship with are always a mirror, reflecting our own beliefs, and simultaneously we are mirrors reflecting their beliefs. So relationship is one of the most powerful tools for growth…if we look honestly at our relationships we can see so much about how we have created them.    Shakti Gawain

I wish you all love and peace.

I am

B…simply being…

 

Musings

I’ve had some extra time this week to think about things. What that usually means is I take long walks into my past. This week was no exception. There are some things back there that have always puzzled me. I found some unusual help this time though, from “The Royals.”

I have been running from myself for most of my life. When Prince Harry and his brother, Prince William, began talking about their mother, Diana, a switch turned on for me. I found, and continue to find, great comfort in their words when they talk about the struggles they have had in their lives after her death. Whenever Prince Harry speaks,  his words give me chills. It appears we had and have some of the same challenges. By speaking out he gave me a very valuable gift–he opened the door for me to speak of my own challenges. I am grateful for that.

I grew up in a little town in northeast Iowa. My family was not from there originally, a fact that I think was hard for my mom. Looking back on life’s events as an older adult gives me such a different perspective of things. My mom had been a single working woman, living at home with her parents, until she was 27 years old. She thought she was an old maid. She often told me how she met my dad at a dance. She said she knew when she met him he was special but did not think he was ever going to ask her to marry him. Looking back, that is the only story she ever shared with me about her days as a single woman. Of course, I was so young I would not have understood much more than that. She never had a chance to share more–she was dead by the time I was ten, my younger sister eight, and my youngest sister, six. That, my friends, is the tip of the iceberg.

I only have a kid’s memory of so many things. Our small community had its share of tragedies during this time. The most significant one I remember is that a classmate of mine’s mother died after being in a car accident. I think we were in second grade so we were probably seven years old. I had to be at school early that morning–I was in trouble for having a messy desk and was supposed to come in and clean it out. When I got to my room, my teacher was not there so I went looking for her. I found everyone in the room next door all standing in the front of the class room. They were talking softly about a car accident. One teacher said that the doctors did not think that my friend’s mom was hurt very badly. They were wrong, she said.  My classmates mom had died earlier that morning from a head injury that had not been detected. Lots more whispers.

I stood there thinking, how can that be? Moms don’t die.

In my mind, I see exactly where I was standing that day–how the soft morning sunlight came through the windows, illuminating the desktops, reflecting off chalk dust that was always flying through the air. The huddle of teachers remained close together in the front of the room. I remained invisible. Yes, they said, she had been hit from behind. You know, they said, it’s that bad spot out on the highway where so many other accidents had happened. Well, it’s been icy, they said, so she had a cement block in the back of her car for traction. When she was hit, they said, it flew and hit her head…

No one noticed as I turned and quietly walked out of the room. Oh, so many questions I carried out with me that day.

I wonder if my friend, my classmate from so many years ago, has any of the same questions I do? Does Prince Harry comfort her as he speaks of his demons? Do my other friends who also lost their moms when they were young feel the way I do–like you’ve always been a little lost? Always searching for something…

The month of May has always has been a time when I question so many things. I’ve sidestepped them for many, many years. Now it is time calm my demons by writing about them. If Prince Harry helped me, maybe I can help someone else?

This part of my life made me, me.

I am

B…simply being…

Wishing you all love and peace.

 

 

 

Resources

I had forgotten how comforting it was to have a resource to turn to when I needed some type of encouragement. We all have to do our own soul-searching. What is good to know is we have other resources out there to help us along the way. Advisors we can keep close to us–just an arm’s length–like my little book, A Guide for the Advanced Soul.

I have several “advisors” sitting close by me. I’ll call them in for consultation often and share their words of wisdom. It’s all part of why I believe we are here–to help each other in our journey. Heaven knows, we need that type of help right now. We are all questioning so many basic things.

Venice Bloodworth was introduced to me by my husband, Michael. She was someone totally new to me until he shared her book. Now her book is another one in the front row of my go to authors/advisors whenever I need someone to make sense of things. Someone to renew my hope in–well–something.

Venice wrote her book, The Key to Yourself, in the 50’s. The copyright of the book we have on our shelf is 1952–a year before I was born. I’m not sure why I even noticed that but it made a really big impression on me. She wrote then what many of us read a few years ago thinking it was the first time someone had written it. Her wording is a little cumbersome today, but that makes it even more special to me. An example from a quote she credits to “Selected” which begins Chapter 3:

The Conscious Mind

If you think you are beaten, you are; If you think you dar not, you don’t; If you’d like to wind, but you think you can’t, It’s almost a cinch you won’t’ If you think you’ll lose, you’ve lost, For out in the world you’ll find success begins with a fellow’s will; It’s all in the state of the mind. 

Later in that chapter she says: It is strange that we so long failed to understand the wonderful power of thought, for it is taught by every religion and philosophy in the history of the world. Paul, when in captivity and chained to a Roman solder, gave to the world this message:

Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are  just, whatsoever things ar pure, whatsoever things are lovely, and of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.. 

I, like many, am troubled by what is unfolding around us. I am unsure what to do other than try to find a way to help each other through it all until we can figure out what to do next. Our minds are powerful. As Venice says, if we think we’ll lose, we have lost. We–all of us–have to rediscover our own power. Look for our advisors–whether it is by talking with each other or rediscovering words like these shared by those who have passed this way before us.

I am.

B…simply being…

God bless you all with love and peace.

 

 

 

 

Insight

Years ago a friend of mine showed me a book she said she consulted daily. The name of the book was, A guide for the Advanced Soul, by Susan Hayward. She handed it to me and told me to open it to any page. What was written on that page, she said, was  my guidance for the day.

The book impressed me so much I bought it the next day.  I have not found the words I remember reading that night so long ago. The feeling I had while reading them has never left me. I knew that night, down to my very soul, that my life was about to change in a very big way.

What happened, you ask, that made me think something was happening in my life? Something very simple–I went out for lunch–a lunch that had been in the works for months. I finally met that friend of a friend–yes–a blind date. Love at first sight, you say? I have to say, yes. There really is a thing! I was the biggest skeptic in the world until that day. In less than an hour I had become a believer. Twenty five years later, I still believe.

Sometimes we get so caught up in the “stuff” that bombards us all day long we forget to look for the magic. You know, all those unexpected blessing that simply shower down on us at times when we least expect them and often when we need them the most. It’s some powerful stuff, love. Remember that. Do not take it for granted.

Tonight, I have consulted my guide for the advanced soul. Let me share the wisdom found:

Every moment of your life is infinitely creative and universe is endlessly bountiful. Just put forth a clear enough request, and everything your heart desires must come to you. 

                                                                                         Shakti Gawain

I wish you all peace, love, and a restful night.

I am.

B…simply being…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Being Human

Taking a step away from my own story tonight and sharing my thoughts about something that has been in the news for the last 24 hours or so.

The talk today revolved around Jimmy Kimmel’s son, Billy. For those who may not know, he was born with a congenital heart defect, resulting in a successful open heart surgery when he was only a few days of age.  He did well with this surgery but will have more in his future.

I can hear the first comments out of many people’s mouths today, “Well, didn’t they have an ultrasound? How could they have missed a hole in the heart?” The blaming begins…

I am a retired pediatric echocardiographer. Translated, that means I performed  ultrasound on baby’s hearts. My patient population ranged from the fetus to the adult with congenital heart disease.  I was very fortunate. Before I retired I was able to do fetal echoes on women I imaged when they were neonates. What a joy that was for me. Heavens–I miss my patients and their families.

One of the things I wished my patients understood, and I feel most sonographers would agree, is the fact that we carry their stories and images home with us every single day. As a sonographer, we sit right next to our patients–definitely in their personal spaces–often putting all our body weight into their bodies in an attempt to confine that fetus. We are  not there to get “pretty pictures.” We are there to get diagnostic ones. We are accessing that little fetus to make sure all parts are normal in position, size, shape and function. All of this goes on while we hear all about your life–people who are nervous share a lot of personal information. As we work and listen, we attempt to keep our body language normal, our faces neutral, often fighting back tears. We understand just how drastic this woman and her family’s lives are going to change in just a matter of moments.

There is an obstitrician along with his/her ultrasound staff in the LA area who are very unhappy with the results of their studies done for Jimmy’s wife and unborn son. Unfortunately, ultrasound is not an exact science. Many things contribute to a successful diagnostic study: the age of the fetus, how cooperative that little person is at the time of the study, the experience of the sonographer, the experience of the physician reading that study, the level of suspicion regarding possible defects, and the amount of time that practice allows for each exam. If it is a first pregnancy, a young mom, no family history, all other images and prenatal studies normal with an active fetus, imaging compromises may be accepted. Factor into that entire equation the fact that this was a study done on a celebrity’s wife–sigh…

We are all only human–but that is not comforting to those involved with this case. Not for any of us.

My prayers go out for Billy’s continued successful recovery along with prayers for those professionals who are beating themselves up over missing this prenatal diagnosis. God bless you all.

Wishing you all a restful night filled with love and peace.

I am

B…simply being…

 

An introduction to…me…

These pages are about me. In reality, I am still trying to figure out just who “me” really is and why I am the “me” I have evolved into being.

I am a baby boomer, born September 25, 1953. I was the first-born child–and I have every personality characteristic of the first born. My parents married fairly late–one of the few stories I remember my mom telling me was the fact that everyone said she was going to be an “old maid.” She married my dad when she was 27 years old, my dad 32.

They met while working at the Montgomery Ward store in Fort Dodge, Iowa. They were married on Valentine’s Day–something I found to be terribly romantic. Afer they married, they moved to Kokomo, Indiana, where I was born. I think being that far away from her family was very hard on my mom. This put a lot of stress on their relationship and they moved back to Iowa shortly after I was born. My dad found a job in Traer, Iowa, where he managed the Farmers Lumber Yard for many years.

All through my childhood, our family faced many challenges. We also had incredible blessings. This was all part of time when things were rarely discussed and family secrets abounded.  All of this was a set up for future problems.

Because I was the oldest, I was given many privileges which came with the expectation I would assume more responsibilities. The fact that I was just a young kid did not alter those expectations. A fact I have worked to understand most of my life. These are the stories I will share. The Clint Eastwood movie, The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly comes to mind.

Life is not always the shining success story you want to eagerly share–which is exactly why it is important to do so.

I wish you all a very restful night.

I am

B…simply being…

Peace and love to all.

A Good Hair Day

I have learned that there are times when you simply need to be thankful. That’s it. Nothing more. Nothing less.

Today I had the pleasure of having a wonderful friend cut my hair. She took time out of her day off to make me feel and look marvelous. I am grateful.

It was a very good hair day. Those are rare and beg to be acknowledged.

Friday. The end of the week and nearly the end of the month. Join me in taking a few minutes to give thanks while preparing for a weekend full of more blessings.

Thank you for joining with me this week as I grow and find my space in this huge blogging community.  Until next week–

I am…

B…simply being…

I wish you love and peace, y’all.

 

Be Kind…

Our world has become so busy it is difficult for any of us to be patient.

My patience was put to the test today. As a fairly new person to the retired world, I am still learning. A note for other new members–social security payday is Wednesday. The message here is that Wednesday and Thursday may not be the best day to shop. Especially if you live in a community with a lot of retired people.

Sigh…

Cell phone use is dangerous in many situations. Cell phone use while shopping is probably not dangerous–although today it was pushing every hot button remaining on my personal dashboard. From what I observed today, aging does not improve your ability to multitask. Talking on the phone and grocery shopping in a very busy  grocery store will not make you friends. Be warned, my friends. Those of you shopping and those of you talking. Take my warning to heart, be aware, and be kind.

We have so many resources at our finger tips but so little time for each other. If I could make my own rule for a day, my rule would be NO electronics for that entire day. Listen not only to those around you but to your environment. Listen to the wind, the birds, the people around you. Talk to each other. Have eye contact. If you have not done that for a while, make eye contact and feel the power.

In this world where we are alerted with every change in the “world-wide web”, I wonder if I don’t know more about “movie stars” than I do about my own family?

The weekend is coming. Earth Day was last weekend–maybe this could be Human Day or Person Day or…whatever you want to call it. I suggest we all be more aware. Pay attention to our personal interactions. The phone will always be there. The person we are with may not–cherish them and the moment. We all have heard the stories of how things can change in a second. It will not always be someone else. Some day the regret of those lost minutes will catch up with us all.

I am

B…simply being…

Love and peace, y’all.

 

 

 

Inspiration

Sometimes inspiration comes from the damnedest places. I was having a hard time getting my thoughts together today. Every time I started to write the ideas just fizzled.

I think because I have less disruption in my life, things seem to work their own way into my mind. Tonight, I was sitting with our dog, Duffy. He’d spent the day at the groomers where they found he had an inflamed paw. I was soaking that paw in a tub of epsom salt and water when I overheard this quote being read. This may not be totally correct, my paraphrasing:

Life can be understood looking backward but life must be lived looking forward. 

Well. That certainly hit home. It is exactly what I have been trying to do for the majority of my life–understand what is going on in my life. With that in mind, I’d like to share a  few of the observations I have made so far (yes, unfortunately, there are more):

We are here to learn. In order to learn, we are given lessons. Some lessons we will complete successfully. Other lessons we will fail. Those lessons given are not just for us.  We are meant to share them–both the successes and the failures. By helping each other we re-enforce what we’ve learned–easy when the lessons shared are ones we completed successfully. What I am beginning to see is that if we help someone successfully learn a lesson we failed-it’s kinda like a do-over–we get a second chance at it. I think–I am not positive–but my gut tells me that we get the star on our page after that.

I believe that the real lesson is we are here to help each other. How we do that doesn’t matter–the simple truth is we did it.

B…simply being…

Love and peace, y’all.

 

 

 

Another Beginning

Today is the start of my new blog. I am very far from understanding all the ins and outs of WordPress–I’m not sure but I think I may have already posted a blank page! The one thing I do know for sure is if I don’t get started, I will continue to find ways to delay this first post.

Years ago I started writing a blog as a way to escape some of the stress I had in my daily life. Now, I am writing to share my life and the lessons I have learned along the way. I have learned that trying to escape something never really works–at least not for very long. Which may explain the failure of my first blog.

I retired from my life long career in medical imaging nearly two years ago. I have used this time to listen to my heart. I came to realize that I needed to find myself. Who was I? Why was I here? Was my purpose now complete or was there more ahead for me in this new world filled with what seemed to be unlimited time and new freedoms?

I started to search for my soul–the me that was always on the bottom of the never-ending “to do” list. I had this nagging thought–maybe I was always busy so I never had to really think about things. I began to realize that I had been what a friend used to call a “human doing” not a “human being.”

I made some discoveries than led me down some dark and scary roads.  Some paths were to difficult for me and I had to take the fastest detour out–at least for a while. Some were just deadend roads. Others opened up into amazing places filled with wonderful memories. I hope to share them all.

Like me, this blog is still under construction. I’ll figure things out along the way. As I learn I will continue my soul searching and share with you what I discover along the way.

I am

B…simply being…

Peace.