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Barbara Thinking About Barbara

“At the temple there is a poem called “Loss” carved into the stone. It has three words, but the poet has scratched them out. You cannot read loss, only feel it.”

― Arthur Golden, Memoirs of a Geisha

Former First Lady, Barbara Bush passed away a couple of days ago. The flags are flying at half mast here in Texas. I imagine they are everywhere. Seems most appropriate here, though.

My heart is heavy.

I really liked and respected Barbara Bush. It certainly helped me form a bond with her since we shared the same first name. Growing up, there were not many Barbaras around which made me pay extra special attention to this one.

Plus she always seemed to have it all together.

Mrs. Bush reminded me of my aunts. Often when I heard her speak, I felt I was back at Aunt Marie’s house. When you were at Marie’s, you never knew what she or my other aunts were going to say. Whatever was said, you had to be prepared because it almost always came with a little bit of a bite while carrying with it the punch of a life time of filled with wide ranging experiences and subtle wisdom.

Unlike our world today, Barbara Bush always seemed the same whenever you saw her. Her body language was strong and confident, her face lined which reflected came from living a life full of challenges, and a smile that came quickly and had a sense of sincerity to it. Whenever I heard her speak she held true to herself and shared consistent set of family values. She never wavered from that–she’ speak her mind while living her life in a way that reflected back to the words she spoke. She spoke her truth. I may not have agreed with her at that point in my life but I always respected her point of view.

She was rare and she was beautiful.

It has not surprised me there have been so many tears shed these past few days as we all watch the clips and listen to her words one more time. We, the American people, lost a person who was real–someone who became and stayed as a member of our family.

Hearing she’d chosen to stop further medical care did not surprise me. She was leaving this life in the same manner she’d lived it–on her own terms. She passed on with her husband holding her hand and her family surrounding her. May we all be so blessed.

During a time when we’ve all been needing someone to believe in and hold on to, we have suffered a hard loss.

God bless you, Barbara Bush. Rest in peace.

“Carve your name on hearts, not tombstones. A legacy is etched into the minds of others and the stories they share about you.”

― Shannon L. Alder

“At the temple there is a poem called “Loss” carved into the stone. It has three words, but the poet has scratched them out. You cannot read loss, only feel it.” 

― Arthur Golden, Memoirs of a Geisha

I am…

B…simply being…

Love to you all.

~Peace~

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Offering it Up

When my sister was sick, a priest from the Parish my cousin attended agreed to come visit with her. Over her hospital stay, he visited with her whenever he called on his parishioners.

I’ll never know what their conversations were about or what he shared with her. I do know she was at peace after his visits–with her illness, herself, and her future.

Oh, we Catholics absorb and soak up guilt–it’s in our DNA. Whether we are practicing Catholics or not, the guilt remains–and it is strong.

Lucky for us all, my sister, Sue, my husband, and I, also met this wonderful priest. Not only did he help Beth–he brought the grace of God to us all.

Even now, nearly eleven years later, we still talk about Father Kiernan–how he always knew the right things to say while reminding us all there would be those times in our lives when we just had to find a way to let it go, move on, and “offer it up” to God.

Today I stumbled upon the following quote which reminded me of the priest who came into our lives when we needed him the most–talking with us, listening to us, and sharing his own stories and life lessons. He reminded us about the gift of patience, the grace of God, and the power of love.

Thank you, Father. I will remember you always.

“Sometimes you welcome people only for them to show you how unwelcoming you are. Sometimes you generously help people only for them to show you how extravagant and evil you are. Sometimes you teach people only for them to show you how ignorant you are. Sometimes you open your doors to people only for them to show you how dirty your room is. Sometimes you make way for people only for them to block your ways. Sometimes you draw people closer to you only for them to teach you the real meaning of betrayal and loneliness. Sometimes you smile to people only for them to show you the color of your teeth. Sometimes you play with people only for them to show you how uncouth you are. In life, sometimes, your very best intentions shall be seen as woefully bad. Sometimes in life, your very good deeds and acts would see another meaning, but no matter how people perceive, accept and treat you or your good intentions, acts and deeds, know yourself, and dare not to be changed by circumstances so easily! Regardless of how hurtful circumstances might be, dare to guard your heart and your tongue, so you may not speak what you should never say that can make you miss your reward from the Sovereign Lord. Keep doing what you have to do, as you have to do, as a living sacrifice to your Father who is in Heaven, knowing that your reward is from Him alone, and wait patiently with a calm and an understanding heart for your reward from Him, regardless of the arduous nature of the hurt and trials!” 

― Ernest Agyemang Yeboah

I am…

B…simply being…

God bless.

~Peace~ 

 

 

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The Gifts of Old Friends

“A good friend is a connection to life – a tie to the past, a road to the future, the key to sanity in a totally insane world.” 

― Lois Wyse

It has been a busy time here in Hibdonville.

I’ve been studying the Texas laws and regulations for boaters. The little bit of time I’ve spent on boats was time spent enjoying the ride. I’ve never been responsible for the safe operation of the boat. Needless to say, I have a lot to learn. Lucky for me, I the encouragement of old friends who tell me I’ll love every minute. They are wise and kind with many hours on the water. I will listen carefully to every tidbit shared and use it to accelerate my learning curve. Thanks, Captain Jodi. I’m open to all and any tips you can share with me.

On a more personal side, Mother’s Day is in a month. Every year, because my mom passed away when I was young, these are hard days.

In the past, I’d brush the uneasiness away, feeling I really should be well beyond all this unexplainable sadness.

As I age and become more comfortable with myself, I now freely admit it has never gotten easier. In fact, I believe each year provides me with new experiences which allow me to question things–I see things with a more open mind and heart. This gift of time has allowed me to step back and look at things as a mature woman instead of a very confused ten-year-old child.

This is a struggle I share with another dear friend. Over the years she reaches out to me during this time. Losing our moms is one of the life experiences we share.

We don’t have to say much to each other–words are useless anyway.

We understand each other at a gut level.

Knowing I have Jane to lean on has given me such comfort over the years. Thank you, my friend,  for sharing yourself, your experiences, and your friendship.

“No friendship is an accident. ” 

― O. Henry, Heart of the West

I am…

B…simply being…

God bless.

~Peace~

Thank you, Mary Lou Williams, for sharing your wonderful photo with me so I can use it for my blog today. You are a treasure. I love and thank you, for this, and for loving me.   

 

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Disillusionment

Disillusionment with yourself must precede Enlightenment.

Vernon Howard

 

I am learning, with a little kicking and screaming along the way, there comes a time when I must step back and let it all go. 

I’m still working on the timing part of that lesson.

Yesterday, I was mentally and physically exhausted. We’ve had a lot going on and it’s taken its toll. 

It has all been very positive, which makes it very difficult for me to concede I need some extra rest. 

Why do I think I don’t have the right to be tired after good things happen? 

In place of writing yesterday, which is a treat for me, I rested. 

That hour or two of rest refilled my well—which was a good thing. 

This morning began with a beautiful sunrise, clear skies, and warm breezes. Hiding in the wings were a few health insurance issues which quickly created a series of problems. 

Thanks to having some extra reserve on board, I kept the frustration meter, for the most part, in check.

I am NOT saying I handled it as well as I could have–I AM saying I handled it much better than usual. 

Isn’t that what it’s all about—doing it better than before–making it possible to move on, building on that new experience and knowledge?

“You’re not going to always hit a home run in life. You’re going to strike out! You’re going to walk to the dugout of life, frustrated, while spectators chirp your name in judgment. They’re afraid to even get on the field, and you know it. The fact that you get back up there, unafraid, going after that next home run, makes you the person you are.” 

― Ron Baratono, The Writings of Ron Baratono

I am…

B…simply being…

God bless us all. 

~Peace~

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Port Hibdonville

“Now then, Pooh,” said Christopher Robin, “where’s your boat?”
“I ought to say,” explained Pooh as they walked down to the shore of the island, “that it isn’t just an ordinary sort of boat. Sometimes it’s a Boat, and sometimes it’s more of an Accident. It all depends.”
“Depends on what?”
“On whether I’m on the top of it or underneath it.”
― A.A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh

Michael and I moved to The Hill Country of Texas two years ago.

For Michael, it was a move that brought him back home.

For me, the move brought me to one of the places I’d said I’d never ever live.

In my 65th year, I am learning to be cautious with what I say I will never ever do.

Yesterday, another thing happened that I said we’d never ever do.

We bought a boat.

For those of you who aren’t familiar with Texas, The Hill Country is also known for a series of dams that createThe Highland Lakes. These dams were built by the Lower Colorado River Authority (LCRA) in the 30’s and the 40’s as a way to generate hydroelectric power and to provide flood control to an area that had and continues to have an impressive flood history. The five Highland Lakes are Lake Buchanan, Inks Lake, Lake LBJ, Lake Marble Falls, and Lake Travis.

The Highland Lakes are part of a series of six dams creating seven lakes on the lower Colorado River. This river–not the same river as the Colorado River we knew when we lived in Denver–has its origin in West Texas and meanders its way to the Matagordo Bay and The Gulf of Mexico.

The first, and largest dam, Buchanan Dam, forms Lake Buchanan, one of the two dams built specifically as a reservoir while providing flood control and power generation. The second dam, Inks Dam, creates the first of the two constant level lakes, Inks Lake. Dam number three is the dam visible from our front porch, Wirtz Dam. This structure creates the second constant level lake, Lake LBJ. Max Starke Dam creates Lake Marble Falls, the lake that receives the water released from Wirtz dam. Mansfield Dam creates the lake I heard the most about before moving to Texas, Lake Travis. Mansfield Dam creates Lake Travis and is the other dam built to function as a reservoir as well as being the only dam built to hold back floodwaters. I could not talk about Lake Travis without mentioning its other assignment, providing the background for The Oasis, the bar known for sunset views and a very popular Garth Brooks song. The last dam in the series is Tom Miller Dam, creating Lake Austin and Lady Bird Lake.

The work of the LRCA presents us with thousands of miles of waterways to explore.

The call of the outboard motor has been loud and persistent.

We waved the white flag, surrendering yesterday.

It’s not the beach but this investment should be mostly hurricane free. Our boat will open up new vantage points where I will see so many things for the first time. This is the beginning of many new adventures–journeys that will provide the ingredients needed for our trips into the unknown–something that always adds alittle bit of extra spice to the experiences as well as to the stories.

“There’s nothing––absolutely nothing––half so much worth doing as messing about in boats.”
― Kenneth Grahame, The Wind In The Willows  

I am…

B…simply being…

God bless you all. Have a wonderful weekend and I’ll be seeing you on the water soon.

~Peace~

 

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Aging

“I want to grow old without facelifts… I want to have the courage to be loyal to the face I’ve made. Sometimes I think it would be easier to avoid old age, to die young, but then you’d never complete your life, would you? You’d never wholly know you.”
― Marilyn Monroe  

For the past couple of weeks, I’ve found so many posts on social media about age followed by many negative comments.

One woman said she hated getting older–she hated her white hair, her wrinkles, and how no one paid any attention to her anymore. She hated her body and her life.

Her words surprised me and made me think about my own feelings about getting older.

To quiet my mind, I took my usual course of action–I began to read and write.

I found several things–quotes attributed to people that surprised me. The quote by Marilyn Monroe was not only surprising but so sadly ironic and made me wonder, not for the first time, if she really did commit suicide.

There have been too many people in my life who have not had the blessing of time and old age.

Why them and not me?

For some reason, I have been given the gift of time. I’ve been given the blessing of getting to know myself–to grow into the person I know I am without the fear of failure or the disapproval of others. I am now free to be me.

These words capture my feelings so well:

I am not old… she said
I am rare.
I am the standing ovation
At the end of the play.
I am the retrospective
Of my life as art
I am the hours
Connected like dots
Into good sense
I am the fullness
Of existing.
You think I am waiting to die…
But I am waiting to be found
I am a treasure.
I am a map.
And these wrinkles are
Imprints of my journey
Ask me
anything.
Samantha Reynolds

I am…

B…simply being…

God bless you all.

~Peace~

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Jesus Christ Superstar

Mercy, peace, and love. May the grace and Lord surround and be with you on Good Friday.

 

Good Friday has always been a special day for me. I love the ritual of The Mass celebrated today. Everything about it–the smell of the incense, the number of celebrants, the length and the drama of the readings–it left me with a feeling of anticipation.

The Church tested me as a young woman growing up in the 60’s–it is an ongoing challenge.

Then Andrew Lloyd Webber and Tim Rice wrote the rock opera, “Jesus Christ Superstar.”

It captured my soul then as it does today.

As so often happens, music transcends time and space.

Whenever I hear any part of any song from this work, I am transported back to the early 70’s. I am sitting in front of a console stereo system in the dining room of my friend, Pam.

I can hear the first album of the two album set drop onto the play table. I see the collection of friends gathered to hear and share the new album slide closer together, huddling around the lyric sheet, reading, and singing.

Remember those album sleeves with song lyrics?

This is a powerful memory, burned into my mind because of its magical simplicity and clarity.

I will be listening to the live televised presentation of “Jesus Christ Superstar” this Easter Sunday.

I’ll probably cry.

Pam was another friend I lost this past year.

But I’ll be smiling, too.

I’m thinking Pam will be singing along with all of us who are now scattered across the country. I’m wondering how many of those who used to gather at her house and select the different stacks of albums we’d pile onto her stereo system will be seeing and experiencing this same memory?

I’m betting I won’t be the only one with a tear in my eye.

I wish you all a blessed Easter and remind you to treasure those you love and keep them close.

I am…

B…simply being…

God bless.

~Peace~

My thanks to Jeff Durst for allowing me to use his photo of the Catholic Church in Mason, Texas, published in the Backroads of Texas Facebook page. Please do not re-publish this photo without written permission for Mr. Durst. I am blessed to have so many wonderful and generous photographers in my Facebook community. Thank you, Jeff. 

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And so it is.

“Our wounds are often the openings into the best and most beautiful part of us.”
― David Richo

It’s been close to thirty years ago when I met my friend, Sandi.

We’d both found our way to a non-credit course at Arapahoe Community College in Littleton, Colorado. I don’t remember the name of the course. We were both looking for ways to find and fix ourselves. The ever-evolving list of self-help books was no longer meeting our needs. I think most us very devoted readers found themselves more confused than ever.

My friendship with Sandi is a perfect example of God placing people in our lives when we need them.

We were both from the Midwest. Our stories were and remain complex and convoluted, to say the least. We had been in several of those self-help classes offered at ACC. By way of these classes, we had a very strong bond–a bond formed between two survivors.

After we’d both completed a course taught by Rochelle, we were both made aware of the opportunity to have personal therapy sessions with our instructor. Unknown to each other, we both accepted and became one of her clients. After some personal sessions, some of us we asked to join an after-hours group session.

It was the mix of one-on-one sessions with Rochelle and working with that special group of people who’d been selected to work together due to our similar life experiences that changed my life forever.

I talked with Sandi for a few minutes last week. We touch base when we both have a minute or two and those infrequent conversations are moments of soul recharging.

This last conversation was a rushed one—I was in the car and she had family visiting. The one important thing she shared with me was this:

“Did you know that Rochelle died?”

It was news to me.

There was no time to elaborate.

Our shared counselor retired from seeing clients rather suddenly. In my mind, I always felt that our select group was, perhaps, too perfect in our combined needs.

Once dismantled, we did not meet as that group again.

I always thought I’d see Rochelle again.

I always thought I’d have a chance to tell her, face-to-face, what a difference she’s made in my life.

Over the past few days, I’ve realized my blog is an extension of many of the insights Rochelle gave me.

She knows I am grateful–and so it is.

God’s work, at times, is not always so mysterious.

It is, however, always miraculous.

“Writing is a form of therapy; sometimes I wonder how all those who do not write, compose, or paint can manage to escape the madness, melancholia, the panic, and fear which is inherent in a human situation.”
― Graham Greene, Ways of Escape

I am…

B…simply being…

May God bless us all.

~Peace~

My thanks, once again, to my dear friend, Kimberlee Salimeno, for allowing me to share her beautiful picture. When I saw it this morning it reminded me of the setting we had for our group sessions. It was another sign to talk of Rochelle and express my gratitude to her and all those I met through her. Thank you, my dear Kimberlee.  I love you.

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Friends = Family

“we must take care of our families wherever we find them.”
― Elizabeth Gilbert

Every now and then we meet people who become family.

Saturday afternoon I was able to spend time with some of my Colorado family.

I am thrilled and I am so grateful.

“In friendship…we think we have chosen our peers. In reality, a few years’ difference in the dates of our births, a few more miles between certain houses, the choice of one university instead of another…the accident of a topic being raised or not raised at a first meeting–any of these chances might have kept us apart. But, for a Christian, there are, strictly speaking no chances. A secret master of ceremonies has been at work. Christ, who said to the disciples, “Ye have not chosen me, but I have chosen you,” can truly say to every group of Christian friends, “Ye have not chosen one another but I have chosen you for one another.” The friendship is not a reward for our discriminating and good taste in finding one another out. It is the instrument by which God reveals to each of us the beauties of others.”
― C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

I am…

B…simply being…

God bless.

~Peace~

 

 

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Terrorism

“Terrorism isn’t a crime against people or property. It’s a crime against our minds, using the death of innocents and destruction of property to make us fearful. Terrorists use the media to magnify their actions and further spread fear. And when we react out of fear, when we change our policy to make our country less open, the terrorists succeed — even if their attacks fail. But when we refuse to be terrorized, when we’re indomitable in the face of terror, the terrorists fail — even if their attacks succeed.”
― Bruce Schneier

 

It has been quite a month here in central Texas.

I’ve perched myself on top of my little hill, observing with uneasiness, as someone terrorized the city of Austin.

I”d been feeling rather smug, thinking I was beyond this mad man’s craziness.

That was all well and good until a package exploded at a FedEx facility outside of San Antonio.

It’s a feeling we’ve all come to accept as part of our lives–unfortunately, we see evidence of terrorism every single day.

Terrorism oozes into your head, unbidden, and hangs out there. Even though it was happening far from me, I watched my fellow Texans suffer, grieve, and attempt to live their lives in their now normal state of extreme caution and trepidation.

Before long, I realized fear had begun its cautionary whispers which bounced around in my head throughout the day and into your uneasy sleep at night. It wears away on you because you don’t rest—you are concerned for yourself and for those people who are part of your daily life. Suddenly, getting that package delivered is now overshadowed by fear—not just for yourself—but for that driver you see and talk with every day.

The reign of terror ended early yesterday morning when the man who orchestrated these past weeks of angst killed himself and injured a SWAT team member by setting off his last bomb inside his getaway car.

It is over but it has taken a large toll. There are new walking wounded.

The Police Chief shared at the press conference yesterday the bomber left a video confession. Maybe this will shed some light on why he did what he did. The Mayor of Austin spoke at this press conference as well, leaving us all with some advice I hope we all think about and follow. He advised us all to walk across the street and get to know your neighbors. Get to know—really know each other and take care of each other.

Today, I am thankful I can sit on my hill with less fear–venturing out to the store or worry about the safety of my UPS driver. I am thankful for my little community and my neighbors.

My prayers continue for those who suffered as a direct result of these bombings—both physically and mentally. The victims are many. The wounds deep and mostly invisible.

Our world has become an even scarier place.

We need to seek out the good—not just look for the helpers but we must become one of them.

The only way to survive is by helping each other through all of these insane twists and turns.

“What separates us from the animals, what separates us from the chaos, is our ability to mourn people we’ve never met.”
― David Levithan, Love Is the Higher Law

I am…

B…simply being…

God bless us all.

~Peace~

 I am so fortunate I have an amazing photographer in my circle of Facebook friends. Thank you, Mr. Chuck Hackenmiller, for allowing me to use your wonderful photos as part of my blog. You can see many of Mr. Hackenmiller beautiful pictures on the Facebook page, I grew up in Iowa. Please note, no re-use of this photo without permission from Chuck Hackenmiller, Boone, Iowa.