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Last Time For Everything

Using a fake ID at a college bar

Getting caught with a girl in the backseat of a car

Running out on the field for the senior game wearing number 17

There’s a last time for everything

Like a George Strait cassette in a Pontiac

I tell ’em Super Cuts, let’s leave it long in the back

Wearing the tux at a high school gym

And she’s wearing your class ring

There’s a last time for everything

Last call, last chance

Last song, last dance

Sometimes you just don’t know when that’s gonna be

Hold me baby, give me a kiss

Like tonight is all there is

Cause there’s a last time for everything

Throwing the ball with the first dog you ever had

Spending all day on the lake with your grandad

Watching Glenn Frey sing “Already Gone” at the Forum in LA

There’s a last time for everything

Last call, last chance

Last song, last dance

Sometimes you just don’t know when that’s gonna be

Hold me baby, give me a kiss

Like tonight is all there is

Cause there’s a last time for everything

Kissing goodbye on her porch and driving away

Introducing her as your fiancee

Getting woke up at 5 am to see if Santa came

There’s a last time for everything

Biscuits and gravy at momma’s house

(Last time for everything)

Spring break on a fold out couch

(Last time for everything)

Little Jimmy on the Opry stage

(Last time for everything)

Hearing Prince sing “Purple Rain”

(Last time for everything)

(Last time for everything)

I’d heard this Brad Paisley song many times before I really listened to the words.

I don’t think anyone would debate the fact music has this insanely sneaky ability to side step any and all self-protective barriers we’ve constructed over the years while erasing any concepts of time. Usually this happens when I hear an old song–one that was popular during a certain time in my past. This song took its time with me–waiting until I was comfortable with the melody–then certain phrases began to catch my attention.

I was not ready for the barrage of memories the lyrics pulled out of my unsuspecting mind. Each time I hear it, the words bring into sharp focus another new old memory.

Pretty powerful stuff.

What’s my latest trigger? “Biscuits and gravy and Mama’s house.”

It made me think of the last time my sisters and I planned on going to Omaha to my aunt’s house for Thanksgiving. We were all so ready to go see everyone. The Tuesday before the holiday an early snowstorm moved in and made travel unsafe–at least I thought it’d be unsafe. Had I known it’d be the last time we’d all be together for Thanksgiving, I would have taken any risk to be there.

As we prepare for this Thanksgiving, take a moment to look around, treasuring those seated at your table. Our world seems to be spinning faster and faster. In a blink of an eye, things change. This really could be the last time for many things.

I am…

B…simply being…

~Peace~  

 

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Yesterdays

“My yesterdays walk with me. They keep step, they are gray faces that peer over my shoulder.” 

― William Golding

The thoughts that came into my head this past week surprised me.

Most of them spurred on by a collection of odd dreams that weaved in and out of my rather drugged state. Others came all by themselves, unbidden, following the breadcrumbs left by their predecessors.

Most of the faces I saw were from my very early career in radiology and their visits left me feeling all kinds of emotions.

I couldn’t help wondering what it’d be like if we could all work together again as the more adult, more mature versions of our younger selves? It makes me shake my head and slowly smile.

We were such an interesting collection of people–some very young, eyes wide open as they saw the unexpected and learned, others a little older, pushing to establish themselves in a small but demanding department, and the older, established few who saw the world of medicine changing all around them, unsure where they would fit in.

I was one fighting for my spot. As I bounced around in my search for new territory, I was not always very kind nor was I anywhere near as smart as I thought I was. I know–all surprising, right?

Many of the old familiar faces visited me this week–thank you. It was haunting and blearily lovely.

 “When we are tired, we are attacked by ideas we conquered long ago.” 

― Friedrich Nietzsche

I am…

B…simply being…

~Peace~

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My Caregivers

The very best thing about dogs is how they just know when you need them most, and they’ll drop everything that they’re doing to sit with you awhile.” 

― Steven Rowley

I’ve had a week of recovery surrounded by the most wonderful caregivers.

Love came in all kinds of shapes and sizes.

From healing massages and dashes to the store to appease whatever whim came to my mind to homemade chicken noodle soup to beautiful plants, brilliant flowers, colored pencils with an amazing picture book to the many gentle words sent via calls and texts. I was spoiled beyond measure.

This morning, Bud came to be beside me as I gathered things together in order to begin writing again.

I am grateful and I am ready.

Thank You, God, for the body You have given me. Most of the time I take my health for granted. I forget how fortunate I am to live without pain or disability, how blessed I am to be able to see and hear and walk and eat. I forget that this body of mine, with all its imperfections, is a gift from You. When I am critical of my appearance, remind me, God, that I am created in Your holy image. If I become jealous of someone else’s appearance, teach me to treasure my unique form. Help me, God, to care for my body. Teach me to refrain from any action that will bring harm to me. If I fall prey to a self-destructive habit, fill me with the strength to conquer my cravings. Lead me to use my body wisely, God. Guide my every limb, God, to perform acts of compassion and kindness. I thank You, God, for creating me as I am. Amen.

Levy, Naomi. Talking to God: Personal Prayers for Times of Joy, Sadness, Struggle, and Celebration (p. 24). Knopf Doubleday Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.

I am…

B…simply being…

~Peace~

 

 

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Healing Prayers

“The common man prays, ‘I want a cookie right now!’ And God responds, ‘If you’d listen to what I say, tomorrow it will bring you 100 cookies.” 

― Criss Jami, Killosophy

Waiting.

It is not easy and I am not especially good at it.

I’ve been waiting to hear from a surgeon about scheduling a procedure I need to have done.

I have been waiting for several days.

Yesterday, I reached my limit and spoke up. I am learning in today’s health care environment, you HAVE to speak up.

The end result, thanks to my physician listening to me and taking action, I saw a surgeon this morning. My procedure will be Monday.

But–there’s more to the story.

As I drove to my appointment, I prayed I’d get on the schedule quickly.

After my consultation, I was told there is a spot open for Monday.  Thank you, God. An added plus, I’d just had my annual physical so I had all the pre-op studies done–yay, me.

Driving home, I remembered there was an estate sale I wanted to check out. What a grand diversion–at the next stop I put the address into my phone and made my way to the sale.

There was a little bit of everything at this sale. I wandered around until I came to a room filled with books. I knew I’d found my spot. Nothing caught my eye until I saw this little black prayer book–so appropriately titled, Healing Prayers.

The best example of a God wink I’ve seen in a long time.

I am…

B…simply being…

God bless.

~Peace~

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Breathe

“The road to happiness starts with a deep breath and an awareness of the many blessings tied to that single breath.” 

― Richelle E. Goodrich, Making Wishes

Breathe in.

I took in many deep breaths today, fiddling here and there as I worried about this and that.

I eventually realized I had to stop the busyness in order to become aware of my thoughts. My gut told me I was not on a positive path. I needed to stand back and take a few deep breaths. As I held each breath, I gave myself the time to evaluate my concerns. As I exhaled, I acknowledged each worry, prayed for guidance, and released each and every nagging thought out to the Universe.

Worries are always going to sneak in. They come in all kinds of diguises. Today reminded me to breathe–follow this simple process instead of allowing my thoughts to grow into monsters.

As the sunlight fades outside my office, I appreciate re-learning this very valuable lesson. I understand and KNOW I have the power to make my life easy or difficult. It is up to me.

“You have peace,” the old woman said, “when you make it with yourself.” 

― Mitch Albom, The Five People You Meet in Heaven

I am…

B…simply being…

May God bless us all.

~Peace~

My thanks to my friend, Kathy Adams Brezinski, for allowing me to use her wonderful photo today. I am blessed and I am so thankful.

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Humankind

“Wild animals are less wild and more human than many humans of this world” 

― Munia Khan

A friend posted the word “humankind” today on Facebook followed by, “try being both.”

What has happened to our world?   

Yes, another mass shooting happened this last weekend. What scared me the most Saturday was the fact I was no longer shocked as I read the breaking news banner pasted on the front of my phone. A confirmed mass shooting at a Pittsburg synagogue. These tragedies have become as every day as the latest wild-fire or category 5 hurricane. We have become numb and almost anesthetized.

As I walked into my office, I looked out our front door and saw this beautiful buck relaxing in the shade.

Thank you, God, for sharing this magnificent animal with me at this moment. His calm gaze gave me great peace.  Thank you.

As I began reading quotes for today’s story, I kept reading passages attributed to L.R. Knost. I had no idea who this person was but I certainly agreed with what s/he had to say.

I discovered L.R. Knost is a young author and mom who lives in Florida with her husband and four of her six children. She is a well published author with several of her books cited in the short article: Two Thousand Kisses a Day, Whispers Through Time, The Gentle Parent, and Jesus, the Gentle Parent.

I could not decide on which quote to share so I decided to share several.

“Healing a hurting humanity starts with a sacred pause, to listen, to learn, to understand, to accept, to forgive, to respect. That sacred pause transcends the fear-driven brutality of the primitive human survival instinct and makes way for a thoughtful, intentional, peaceful, humane response. Peaceful coexistence on this lovely planet is not impossible. It is imperative. Our future, our humanity, our very survival depends on it.” 

― L.R. Knost

“I know the concern over the events in our nation doesn’t end at our borders. Because there are no borders, really, if you think about it. Everything we do on this planet has repercussions that reverberate around the world. Because we’re connected. We belong to each other. And we need each other. We will get through this. Together. And we’ll learn and grow and overcome. Together. I believe the good things in this world outnumber the sad. And I believe the good people outnumber the bad. We are the lights sparkling in the darkness, and our hope and love are going to set the world on fire. I believe in us.” 

― L.R. Knost

“Do not be hardened by the pain 

and cruelty of this world. 

Be strong enough to be gentle, 

to be soft and supple like running water, 

gracefully bending around sudden turns, 

lithely waving in strong winds, 

freely flowing over sharp rocks, 

all the while quietly sculpting 

this hard world into ever deeper beauty, 

gently eroding rigid rock into silken sand,

tenderly transforming human cruelty 

into human kindness. 

Remember, true strength is not found in the stone, 

but in the water that shapes the stone.” 

― L.R. Knost

I am…

B…simply being…

God bless.

~Peace be with you.~

 

 

 

 

 

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I Voted

“Democracy cannot succeed unless those who express their choice are prepared to choose wisely. The real safeguard of democracy, therefore, is education.” 

― Franklin D. Roosevelt

We voted today. I was so surprised. The whole process was super easy and very fast.

This was the first time I sat down taking the time to read about the people running for office. I wanted to see where each candidate stood on the issues important to me. For the first time in my adult life, I needed to be a truly informed voter.

I must admit, I am a lazy voter. I think many of us are. I remember growing up listening to my parents talk about voting. Honestly, I did not know you could NOT vote a straight party ticket. I’ll never forget the first time I voted, closing the curtain and realizing I could actually choose individual candidates. No wonder there were so many people campaigning for these different offices. A classic example of not knowing what you don’t know.

I obviously missed something in my American Government class.

I’m thinking there may be other people out there who still vote a straight ticket because they are concentrating on one certain office.

Oh, my friends, I hope we have learned how destructive this practice can be and why it is important to vote wisely.

Like many, I keep wondering how I can make this all better.

I know–vote. My question to us all is can we turn this train around fast enough to save our country?

I certainly hope so and we have to start NOW.

Change starts with one very simple thing–the thing so many brave men and women have died defending.

VOTE.

Elections belong to the people. It’s their decision. If they decide to turn their back on the fire and burn their behinds, then they will just have to sit on their blisters.” 

― Abraham Lincoln

I am…

B…simply being…

God bless.

~Peace~

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Dear Friend

“My Dear Friend, 

Don’t ever allow yourself to forget how incredibly special you are, even for a single second. Without you, the world would not be as magnificent. Let yourself remember to love again, starting with you loving you.” 

― Miya Yamanouchi, Embrace Your Sexual Self: A Practical Guide for Women

Oh, there are many people in my little circle of friends going through some difficult times.

I understand this is part of getting older. That does not mean I have to like it.

Take a minute, my friends, to reach out to those important to you–you will both feel better for it.

“I have noticed that most times, the least that you give out is the best that someone really needs. So, don’t always wait till you have something big to give before you do so! Someone’s “big” is your “little”!” 

― Israelmore Ayivor, Daily Drive 365

I am…

B…simply being…

God bless.

~Peace~

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Acknowledgement

“Stories have to be told or they die, and when they die, we can’t remember who we are or why we’re here.” 

― Sue Monk Kidd, The Secret Life of Bees

Today I watched short video today on Facebook Watch by Megan Devin. In this short animated video Megan talked about how to help a friend going through difficult times.

I’ve watched this video several times today because it helped me understand a lot about my own story. My stories have cleverly evaded me all my life. By sharing them I hope to understand myself better. Some experiences are difficult to share but I share to help others who may have had similar experiences. Unless I sort through all the baggage I’ve been carrying around with me all these years, I don’t think I’ll ever be at peace. As I unpack I pray others will find a way to lessen their own load.

Here are some of the things Megan mentioned that helped me understand my own feelings about loss and grief.

We’ve all been in situations where someone we love is hurting. It’s a hard thing to watch because we feel helpless. We’ve been taught we need to find a way to make things all better–we need to fix it.

Megan discovered it’s actually better to stop trying to cheer them up. Contrary to what we believe, it is better to allow that loved one to feel their pain.

Megan quotes Palmer Parker:

“The human soul doesn’t want to be advised or fixed or saved. 

It simply wants to be witnessed exactly as it is.” 

We cannot make someone feel better by trying to lessen the pain they are experiencing. What does help is letting them know we understand, we know their pain is real, and the pain they feel is just as bad as we think it is.

For me, the grief I’ve suppressed over the years has become a monster. After my mom died no one ever talked about her again. She’d completely disappeared. Even as a kid I could tell people didn’t know what to say–so they said NOTHING.

I wonder if my childhood would have been any different if someone had been brave enough to ask me if I was really okay? How was I doing without my mom?  Did I want to talk about her?

If someone close to you has lost a loved one, reach out to them. Be patient and allow them to be in their pain with you. Listen to them with the knowledge you cannot fix anything but you are there and you can help them heal.

” I mean, they say you die twice. One time when you stop breathing and a second time, a bit later, when somebody says your name for the last time.”  ~Banksy

I am…

B…simply being…

God bless.

~Peace~

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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A Very Large Paw Print

“People leave imprints on our lives, shaping who we become in much the same way that a symbol is pressed into the page of a book to tell you who it comes from. Dogs, however, leave paw prints on our lives and our souls, which are as unique as fingerprints in every way.” 

― Ashly Lorenzana

Every year when Halloween approaches, I think of my dog, Fanny.

I’ve written about Fanny before–I think it was Halloween last year when I shared the story about how she disappeared from our backyard.

Fanny was my first dog and the soul who comforted me after my Mom died. When my stepmother joined our family, Fanny was one of the first things to go.

Sadly, I never knew why she disappeared–I went in search of her for days and days–especially on Halloween when I knew people could be mean to animals. It was weeks later when the phone rang. I raced to answer the phone–being a teenager I was certain it had to be one of my friends. As I listened, I heard a very nice woman tell me she had just adopted our dog–my dog–from the Waterloo Humane Society. She needed to know if she was current with her shots?

My heart broke into so many pieces.

Part of me was happy because I knew Fanny would never leave me. But…I also learned, in a flash, people and things are not always as they seem.

On that Saturday afternoon, I lost my trust in most adults.

For some reason Fanny has been on my mind. Maybe it’s because our oldest dog, Bud has been following me closely the past few days. His intense gaze reminds me of Fanny–maybe she is visiting?

That thought, my friends, is very comforting.

Thanks, Fanny. I love you always.

“The very best thing about dogs is how they just know when you need them most, and they’ll drop everything that they’re doing to sit with you awhile.” 

― Steven Rowley

I am…

B…simply being…

God bless.

~Peace~