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Re-calculating

“Some things cannot be taught; they must be experienced. You never learn the most valuable lessons in life until you go through your own journey.” 

― Roy T. Bennett

Writing these past few  months has been nearly impossible.

From what I’ve read I don’t think I’m not alone.

Part of my problem is I’m a born helper.

Because I’m retired, I couldn’t be there to help during this pandemic. Watching CV-19 make its way around the world and across our country has been very difficult. All my life I’ve been a caregiver. Watching from afar did not/does not set well with me.

I felt old and useless. That, my friends, was and is a very hard pill to swallow.

Little did I know this was just the beginning. More “stuff” was on the way, held back by one little line of rocks precariously balanced along the rim of a very deep canyon fed by a river that grew more turbulent by the day.

As I sat on the sidelines, naively debating whether or not it was best practice to wear a mask in public, one senseless act of power courtesy of an OFFICER OF THE LAW in Minneapolis, pushed those proverbial stones away, releasing decades of damed up frustrations and emotions.

I’m not feeling very well prepared to write about this but my heart says get something out there.

As usual, my recourse is to turn to prayer.

My prayer of choice today is this beautiful prayer to Our Lady of Guadalupe.

Holy Virgin of Guadalupe, Queen of the Angels and Mother of the Americas,
We fly to you today as your beloved children.
We ask you to intercede for us with your Son, as you did at the wedding in Cana.

Pray for us, loving Mother,
and gain for our nation and world,
and for all our families and loved ones,
the protection of your holy angels,
that we may be spared the worst of this illness.

For those already afflicted,
we ask you to obtain the grace of healing and deliverance.
Hear the cries of those who are vulnerable and fearful,
wipe away their tears and help them to trust.

In this time of trial and testing,
teach all of us in the Church to love one another and to be patient and kind.
Help us to bring the peace of Jesus to our land and to our hearts.

We come to you with confidence,
knowing that you truly are our compassionate Mother,
health of the sick and cause of our joy.

Shelter us under the mantle of your protection,
keep us in the embrace of your arms,
help us always to know the love of your Son, Jesus. Amen.

I am…

B…simply being. 

~Peace~

 

 

 

 

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Perspective

“The difference between hope and despair is a different way of telling stories from the same facts.” 

― Alain de Botton

I don’t think I’m the only one questioning where the past few months have gone. 

I confess–I grabbed onto my tried and true coping mechanism–get very very busy. 

I’ve redesigned the rock gardens, washed windows, and cleaned just about every corner of our house.

My mind is tired of the game. It’s past time to end my personal chaos.  

It’s time to reopen my office and get busy writing. 

My soul is very happy.

“Often it isn’t the mountains ahead that wear you out, it’s the little pebble in your shoe.” 

― Muhammad Ali

I am…

B…simply being. 

~Peace~

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Eli

“Petting, scratching, and cuddling a dog could be as soothing to the mind and heart as deep meditation and almost as good for the soul as prayer.” – Dean Koontz (Author, False Memory

It has been a busy few weeks here in Hibdonville.

All those rock walls and gardens I built last summer have needed some intense attention as winter sped into spring. The weeds have definitely out paced my gardening ability.

We also added to our family.

Meet our newest member, Mr. Eli.

“I think dogs are the most amazing creatures; they give unconditional love. For me, they are the role model for being alive.” – Gilda Radner 

I am…

B…simply being. 

~Peace~

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Just Like Gram Said

During difficult times, you move forward in small steps.

Do what you have to do, but little by bit.

Don’t think about the future, not even what might happen tomorrow. Wash the dishes.

Take off the dust.

Write a letter.

Make some soup.

Do you see?

You are moving forward step by step.

Take a step and stop.

Get some rest.

Compliment yourself.

Take another step.

Then another one.

You won’t notice, but your steps will grow bigger and bigger.

And time will come when you can think about the future without crying. Good morning

(Elena Mikhalkova, “The Room of Ancient Keys”)

These words reminded me of my Grandma.

She was so special to me–my Gram.

As I read I pictured myself sitting beside her.

Oh, I miss her.

Like so many, I’ve had time to think about many things these past few weeks. I’ve been one of the lucky ones–my only job has been to stay home.

It’s been hard to watch my friends suit up in whatever protective gear they had and go to work knowing I could not be there to help.

I have helped in the only way I could–I have prayed.

My prayers continue.

Most merciful and Triune God,
We come to you in our weakness.
We come to you in our fear.
We come to you with trust.
For you alone are our hope.

We place before you the disease present in our world.
We turn to you in our time of need.

Bring wisdom to doctors.
Give understanding to scientists.
Endow caregivers with compassion and generosity.
Bring healing to those who are ill.
Protect those who are most at risk.
Give comfort to those who have lost a loved one.
Welcome those who have died into your eternal home.

Stabilize our communities.
Unite us in our compassion.
Remove all fear from our hearts.
Fill us with confidence in your care.

Jesus, I trust in you.
Jesus, I trust in you.
Jesus, I trust in you.
Amen.   Author Unknown

I am…

B…simply being. 

~Peace~

 

 

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Missing My Duffy

“Dogs’ lives are too short. Their only fault, really.” 

― Agnes Sligh Turnbull

Last Monday marked the one year anniversary of the day I said good-bye to my Duffy.

I miss him.

I miss the way he shared time spent on each of our laps, his twisting and turning when he was excited and happy, his well-disguised Alpha persona, his way of barking at something as a diversion tactic in order to get his preferred resting spot, his lazy pace on our walks, and most of all, his Lhasa smell.

My dear Duffy, I know beyond a shadow of doubt you made sure we’d find our Abby Rose. It’s what you always did–took good care of us.

I was and am one very lucky human. Thank you, little man, I love you.

 “It may be a cat, a bird, a ferret, or a guinea pig, but the chances are high that when someone close to you dies, a pet will be there to pick up the slack. Pets devour the loneliness. They give us purpose, responsibility, a reason for getting up in the morning, and a reason to look to the future. They ground us, help us escape the grief, make us laugh, and take full advantage of our weakness by exploiting our furniture, our beds, and our refrigerator. We wouldn’t have it any other way. Pets are our seat belts on the emotional roller coaster of life–they can be trusted, they keep us safe, and they sure do smooth out the ride.” 

― Nick Trout, Tell Me Where It Hurts: A Day of Humor, Healing, and Hope in My Life as an Animal Surgeon

I am…

B…simply being. 

~Peace be with you, my dear friends.~

 

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Like Mom said, Pray to St. Jude

“Don’t be afraid of being scared. To be afraid is a sign of common sense. Only complete idiots are not afraid of anything.” 

― Carlos Ruiz Zafón, The Angel’s Game

The second candle began burning out my prayers yesterday morning. I didn’t know when I bought several of these votive candles how appropriate this particular candle would be.

The numbers quoted are beginning to pick away at my anxiety.

I am afraid.

As I tried to go to sleep I heard my mom remind me to pray to St. Jude–the saint of lost causes.

So this morning I found the prayer I wrote down years ago to share with you.

Thought you might need it as much as I do.

Most holy Apostle, St. Jude Thaddeus, friend of Jesus. I place myself in your care at this difficult time. Help me know that I need not face my troubles alone. Please join me in my need, asking God to send me: consolation in my sorrow, courage in my fear, and healing the midst of my suffering. Ask our loving Lord to fix me with grace to accept whatever may lie ahead for me and my loved ones, and to strengthen my faith in God’s healing powers. Thank, St. Jude Thaddeus, for the promise of hope you hold out to all who believe and inspire me to give this gift of hope to others as it has been given to me. St. Jude, Apostle of Hope, Pray for us.

I am…

B…simply being. 

Peace be with you.

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Extraordinary

“Extraordinary people survive under the most terrible circumstances and they become more extraordinary because of it.” 

― Robertson Davies

Yes, we are living in extraordinary times.

I began my day today by saying a prayer for our world while lighting a votive candle.

I was surprised at how much comfort this gave me.

Maybe it would be for you, too?

Memorare       

Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary,

that never was it known that anyone who fled to thy protection,

implored thy help, or sought thy intercession was left unaided.

Inspired with this confidence,

I fly to thee, O Virgin of virgins, my Mother.

To thee I come, before thee I stand, sinful and sorrowful.

O Mother of the Word Incarnate,

despise not my petitions, but in thy mercy, hear and answer me.  Amen.

I am…

B…simply being. 

~Peace~

 

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Warnings

“Fear is a part of life. It’s a warning mechanism. That’s all. It tells you when there’s danger around. Its job is to help you survive. Not cripple you into being unable to do it.” 

― Jim Butcher, Dead Beat

These days our world changes by the hour.

I’m torn between limiting my exposure to world events and wanting/needing to know all the latest developments. Do I get my news first thing in the morning and dampen my entire day or do I wait until the evening and risk a restless night?

I’ve chosen the evening which means I can listen with a glass of wine.

I’m not relying on that alone, though. I’ve added a second coping mechanisim–prayer.

It’s my usual practice to fall back on my Catholic background. This experience is no exception.

I am thankful I have Pope Francis to lean on right now.

Pope Francis’ Prayer to Mary during the coronavirus pandemic 

O Mary,

you always shine on our path

as a sign of salvation and of hope.

We entrust ourselves to you, Health of the Sick,

who at the cross took part in Jesus’ pain, keeping your faith firm.

You, Salvation of the Roman People,

know what we need,

and we are sure you will provide

so that, as in Cana of Galilee,

we may return to joy and to feasting

after this time of trial.

Help us, Mother of Divine Love,

to conform to the will of the Father

and to do as we are told by Jesus,

who has taken upon himself our sufferings

and carried our sorrows

to lead us, through the cross,

to the joy of the resurrection. Amen.

Under your protection, we seek refuge, Holy Mother of God. Do not disdain the entreaties of we who are in trial, but deliver us from every danger, O glorious and blessed Virgin.

I am…

B…simply being. 

~Peace~

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Tough Times

“Tough times don’t last, tough people do, remember?” 

― Gregory Peck

Just when I thought our world couldn’t get any crazier–it does.

Michael and I watch from our house on the hill as Covid-19 forces our community and our world in directions no one could have predicted. National and state news conferences appear to be the new normal, updating us on the how many new cases there are across the country and how many have lost their fight. It eerily reminds me of the Viet Nam death tolls I remember as a kid back in the 60’s.

I’m not sure where all this will take us. I do know we Americans are very strong, very smart, and very tenacious. It seems we do our best under stress–it brings the best out in us–I feel a sense of unity similar to those days immediately after 9-11.

This experience will force us all to change the way we do things–from doctor visits to going out to dinner. Telemedicine will be used and fine tuned very quickly now that Medicare will pay for those visits. Communities are working on ways to lessen the financial impact to local businesses. The city of Austin, Texas, just passed a city ordinance allowing alcoholic drinks to be part of takeout orders. I’m thinking that would never, ever have happened without this level of economic stressor. With the required time off work, many employees will get some much needed rest and down time. Maybe these rested souls will return to the work place with a renewed appreciation for their work. Maybe families will actually get to have quality time together not sandwiched between soccer and dance practice? Maybe we will get to know that lady across the street?

Maybe I’m an optimist?

It’s very hard to watch and not help. I’m telling myself the best thing I can do is stay home and stay well. I can pray for those working hard to find the answers we all need to fight this virus and those working hard caring for the sick. I worry and pray for my friends who are healthcare providers.

Pope Francis and other religious leaders have called for world prayer. As a way of doing this, I’ll be sharing some prayers over the next few posts–some old some new.

Please join me in praying for ourselves, our families, our friends, and our world.

Prayer of St. Francis

Lord, make me an instrument
of Thy peace;
Where there is hatred,
let me sow charity;
Where there is injury, pardon;
Where there is error, truth;
Where there is doubt, faith;
Where there is despair, hope;
Where there is darkness, light; and Where there is sadness, joy.
O, Divine Master,
Grant that I may not so much seek
to be consoled, as to console;
To be understood as to understand; To be loved as to love;
For it is in giving that we receive;
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned; And it is in dying to ourselves that we are born to eternal life.
Amen.

I am…

B…simply being. 

~Peace~

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Hanging On

“Worry is most often a prideful way of thinking that you have more control over life and its circumstances than you actually do.” 

― June Hunt

These past few weeks have been a roller coaster ride for all of us.

Hang on, my friends. I’m thinking we’ve entered unmapped territory.

In my sixty plus years on this planet I’ve seen Americans pull each other up and through a lot of unimaginable things. I have faith in us and believe we can do anything–especially when we add prayer.

“..when someone says “please pray for me,” they are not just saying “let’s have lunch sometime.” They are issuing an invitation into the depths of their lives and their humanity- and often with some urgency. And worry is not a substitute for prayer. Worry is a starting place, but not a staying place. Worry invites me into prayer. As a staying place, worry can be self-indulgent, paralyzing, draining, and controlling. When I take worry into prayer, it doesn’t disappear, but it becomes smaller.” 

― Sybil MacBeth, Praying in Color: Drawing a New Path to God

I am…

B…simply being.

~Peace~

Thank you, Deb Henderson, for letting me use one of your wonderful pictures today. You are always so generous. I wish you and your family many blessings.