Category: Personal Blog

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A Time For Reflection

Mother’s Day.

A hard day for those of us who have lost our moms. It doesn’t matter how old we were when the loss happened–this is a life event we all carry with us from that day forward.

I send my love out to those of you who are facing your first “motherless” Mother’s Day. May your memories give you comfort. May you come to understand, as I have, that your mom will always be with you. Not just in the memories, but in little things you do, little things you say, little habits you may not have recognized until now. I was blessed with a mom who loved me. Unfortunately, my mom, my sisters, and I were not blessed with much time.

Time. It is such an illusive concept. We keep thinking we have more. Don’t be fooled. As we’ve all been told, life can change in just a matter of seconds. This Mother’s Day, put the electronics away. Open your mind and heart by spending some attentive quality time with your mom. As anyone who has lost their mom will tell you, we would give anything to spend one more day with them. We’d ask questions, really listen to what she told us, and share stories of our own. We would make sure she knew how important and special she was and is to us; how her life lessons are infused into our very being.

Use your time wisely, my dear friends, and cherish those you love. If your mom is here, please make sure she knows how important she is to you. Only you can do that.

Make your mom, and yourself, proud.

I am

B…simply being…

Peace and love to y’all.

 

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Recalculating

“Coming back is the thing that enables you to see how all the dots in your life are connected, how one decision leads you another, how one twist of fate, good or bad, brings you to a door that later takes you to another door, which aided by several detours–long hallways and unforeseen stairwells–eventually puts you in the place you are now.” 

― Ann Patchett, What Now?

I’m on the way back home to Iowa for a short visit with family and friends. It’s been quite a day of travel.

It was a long day made even longer because, for some unknown reason, I thought I knew more about the route than my GPS. That decision and a very long stretch of road construction added a couple of hours to my journey.

I was presented with an opportunity to see a lot of more of Texas and Oklahoma than planned.

This coming week will be filled with making new memories with some very important people. Seems like the perfect time to repost my earliest shared stories.

Happy Mother’s Day, my friends. I love you.

I am…

B…simply being…

God bless and know you are loved.

~Peace~

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My Love of Books

“I looked at the book lying on a table. Though not a great reader myself, I knew that those who were – even Nora – could grow testy when one came between them and their books.” 

― Susan Higginbotham, Hanging Mary

After we retired and sold our house, like many newly retired people, we had to downsize. Becoming full-time RVers meant our living space would be very limited. Our work was definitely cut out for us–both Michael and I had to be very selective in what we brought with us.

Since I was a little kid, books have always been my passion. Over the years my personal library had grown with all types of books. Some of my books had been beside me–literally–for decades. Letting them go was tough. My books were more than just things–they had become my counselors, my teachers, and often times, my fastest modes of escape.

Slowly over these past two years, I’ve started to re-grow my library. Funny–many of my “new” books are copies of my favorite old books. I’ve been lucky to find so many at used book stores or on-line. My newest source I discovered yesterday–my local Goodwill Store. It’s not set up in any type of order–in order to find books you are looking for you must have the time to bend, stoop, re-arrange, and shuffle other books aside in order to see what treasures await you. For the short amount of time I invested, I was rewarded with some great books.

As I was putting my books away today, I discovered one had a note written on the inside cover–this unexpected message touched my heart. I need to think about it and share later.

“Providence has delivered me of every worldly passion, save this one; the desire to acquire books, new or old books of any kind, whose charms I cannot persuade myself to resist.” 

― John Henry Newman

I am…

B…simply being…

Love you all. God bless.

~Peace~

 

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Friday’s Thoughts

“From the standpoint of daily life, however, there is one thing we do know: that we are here for the sake of each other – above all for those upon whose smile and well-being our own happiness depends, and also for the countless unknown souls with whose fate we are connected by a bond of sympathy. Many times a day I realize how much my own outer and inner life is built upon the labors of my fellow men, both living and dead, and how earnestly I must exert myself in order to give in return as much as I have received.” 

― Albert Einstein

It’s been an interesting week.

Returning to the everyday life is always a challenge after a vacation.

I guess I imagined it would be easier once I retired. The problem is this–I know I have time to get things back in order. This thought begins a steady tickling of my ever ready procrastinator button. Nothing productive will ever happen as long as this button is activated. If I don’t act quickly, a series of excuses begin to fall all too naturally from my mouth and that old program begins to play. I was not making very much progress with getting things back to normal.

Then I went to get my hair cut.

God does not always work in such mysterious ways.

My stylist recently lost her husband after a long battle with cancer. She has a daughter who just turned eleven years old and is described as being a “Daddy’s Girl.”

Long story condensed–at least for now–is this. The daughter is failing in school. This little soul who was a good student is no longer interested in much of anything. In fact, she is in constant motion–not listening to her music, not reading, and obviously, not studying.

Unfortunately, I don’t know my new stylist very well. As she spoke, I could feel my own heart began to speed up as my emotions began to build as my mind flashed back to my own life at eleven years of age. I knew this little one was struggling with the loss of her dad and life as she knew it before he became ill and died. I was grasping for words because I knew I had very little time before her next appointment arrived. What was the most important thing to share and say right now?

It was a God Wink–I knew I was where I needed to be talking to a woman who needed my help.

As quickly as I could, I shared my story and asked her to take some extra time with her daughter. I asked her to set aside the school issues long enough to ask how things were going–what else was happening in her world. I asked her to take time to not only ask those questions but to be very still and quiet, allowing this young person time to steady herself and answer as fully as she is able.

I shared some of my experiences while trying to convey how grief is different for kids. Kids don’t know how to express how sad they are or how hard things are–I know I didn’t. I was the oldest kid so I just stuffed it all deep inside so I could move on and somehow survive.

I talked and met her eyes in the mirror, praying I’m coming across sympathetically. I wanted her to know I understood how hard this is for her and how it’s okay to still be sad and anxious. I hope she heard my heart as I stressed to her how this was something that was going to take them both a long time to work through. None of this was  going to go away or really get a lot better for some time. Even now, some fifty years later, I am still working through the loss of my mom.

I left unsure I’d helped but felt good that I’d been brave enough to step up and share my story.

Whether it made a difference or not, I’ll know when I see her next time. I know it certainly impacted me by reinforcing my need to read, learn, and share my stories.

I guess I’d been hopeful that today people were better at communicating with kids when there had been such a major loss to the family. I now know there are other little girls out there in need of someone who understands. I’ve been given a new incentive and I know I will be able to help–not just the kids and their families, but myself as well.

I am…

B…simply being…

God bless.

~Peace~

 

 

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Taking Time

“Every person needs to take one day away.  A day in which one consciously separates the past from the future.  Jobs, family, employers, and friends can exist one day without any one of us, and if our egos permit us to confess, they could exist eternally in our absence.  Each person deserves a day away in which no problems are confronted, no solutions searched for.  Each of us needs to withdraw from the cares which will not withdraw from us.” 

― Maya Angelou, Wouldn’t Take Nothing for My Journey Now

Ahhhh….there’s no place like home.

Michael and I returned yesterday after being away for a little over a week. It was wonderful to get away but prompts the question–do you still call it a vacation when you’re retired?

Whatever you call it, I strongly believe you DO need to escape the everyday even though you are no longer on someone’s official time clock. I’m thinking–maybe you need that escape even more.

We stocked and packed the RV, loaded up the dogs, and hit the road for Port Aransas, Texas. For many years, this little town has been one of our favorite places. This year, I think we were both rather apprehensive about what we would find.

Hurricane Harvey had been relentless. We’d seen the pictures and heard the stories from our friends who visited ahead of us. We were about to see for ourselves.

Once we arrived, the reconstruction we saw was impressive while the sounds of continued work could be heard from early morning until well past dusk. The flags proclaiming this community was “Port A Strong” were flying high. I was humbled daily by the strength and resilience I saw in the people I met. Food is always a focal point of any vacation. This trip was no exception. Getting to have my usual great lunch at Irie’s capped off my week.

Getting to the beach is always our number one priority. What a sight we must be! It’s hard to tell who’s the most excited–the three dogs–all racing full speed towards the sand or the two of us, jostling beach gear, flip flops, and tangled leashes. It made me smile.

This year there was a new addition to the horizon as I looked across the dunes. Standing at the peak of one of the highest dunes was a single cross.

What an impressive symbol of gratitude as well as a reminder it was not only physical structures taking a beating from Harvey–the spirits of the Gulf did as well–and those spirits stood strong.

Just like this cross.

I am…

B…simply being…

May God bless and protect you, Port Aransas, and the entire Gulf as another hurricane season begins in just a few weeks.

~Peace~

 

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Commitment

“And suddenly you know: It’s time to start something new and trust the magic of beginnings.” 

― Meister Eckhart

A year ago today I began my blog.

I’ve enjoyed this adventure into the writing world–is it really possible a whole year has passed?

My desire to write has always whispered to me through the background noise of my inner critics. I ignored it for years–those negative comments were too strong. One day I simply knew I had to take the chance–there was nothing else to do but put the pencil to paper and get the words out there.

I made a commitment to myself to make it work. It was important to me to honor my soul’s never-ending request.

It was time.

Over this past year, I believe I’ve grown as a writer, gaining courage and confidence all along the way. I have not done it alone, though. I’ve been blessed with people who read my thoughts and encourage me to write and share more. I have to tell you–I wait in the wings for your comments to post–I read every word. Thank you all for cushioning the rough spots I’ve encountered along the way.

This year of reading, learning, and sharing, has changed me. It’s subtle but inwardly powerful. For the first time in my life I feel as though I’m in my own niche–my entire being is more at peace. My very personal pilgrimage has begun at last.

I’m not sure where my storytelling will go from here. The exact route is not important. What is important is I continue on this path–my path–and keep moving forward.

Thank you all for wandering with me.

“Courage doesn’t happen when you have all the answers. It happens when you are ready to face the questions you have been avoiding your whole life.” 

― Shannon L. Alder

I am…

B…simply being…

God bless you all.

~Peace~

 

 

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Simple Things

“The simple everyday experiences become the doorway to new thoughts and inspirations.” 

― E.A. Bucchianeri

Yesterday we joined friends at Sweet Berry Farm just outside of Marble Falls, Texas.

I’m nearly 65 years old and I have to say, I’ve never ever been in a strawberry field.

It was incredible.

I saw rows of strawberry plants which stretched here, there and everywhere.

In my mind, I heard The Beetles song, “Strawberry Fields Forever,” playing over and over–forever.

Since this was our first time picking berries, Michael and I listened to basic instructions before we picked up our brilliantly white flat and headed out to harvest our very own strawberries.

Where did we even start–it was crazy to see mound after mound of berries–some plants still flowering, some had small unripened berries, and many were full of bright red strawberries.

It wasn’t only the berries that entertained us. Because Michael and I are people watchers, it did not take us long to realize we had just been planted (pun intended) in a new type of environment.

The parking lot alone made it obvious this was soon going to become a very busy place.  The groaning of engines we recognized as that distinct grind of a school bus–several of them–heralded the arrival of many many school children.

Our relative peace and quiet was replaced by chatter and giggles.

The school kids joined those of us already roaming.

There were little clusters of the elderly–walking slowly and carefully down the rows where they critically judged the plants before determining if what they saw was worth the physical effort of bending over. There were the seasoned visitors with two or more red stained flats stretching and quickly plucking plump berries from both sides of the rows. Then there were those first timers, like us, who were hesitated, peering carefully at each plant as we bent over and rustled our way into the ripening berries.

My favorite fellow harvesters, though, were the moms with children in tow.

Moms truly are examples of God’s best work and grace in action. What a treat to watch them navigate the challenges of the field–literally and figuratively. I could hear different moms patiently answer the barrage questions as they walked slowly behind the toddler or raced after the four-year-old. It was like listening to a chorus singing in an echo chamber–all around me I’d hear questions being asked of each mom at different stages–mom, is this one ready followed quickly by, how about this one? All those questions were answered in that soft, patient mom voice, advising them to leave that one for later or  praising them for the beautiful find.

Thanks, Dayne and Donna, for coming over and taking us out to Sweet Berry Farms. What a treat–walking rows of ripening strawberries, picking and eating our way along while being entertained by bundles of pure energy presented to us in the form of God’s children displayed in so many varied ages, shapes and sizes.

“Simple things relieve eyes; simple things ease mind, simple things create meditation, simple things are simply miraculous!” 

― Mehmet Murat ildan

I am…

B…simply being…

God bless you all. Have a safe and wonder filled weekend.

~Peace~

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Barbara Thinking About Barbara

“At the temple there is a poem called “Loss” carved into the stone. It has three words, but the poet has scratched them out. You cannot read loss, only feel it.”

― Arthur Golden, Memoirs of a Geisha

Former First Lady, Barbara Bush passed away a couple of days ago. The flags are flying at half mast here in Texas. I imagine they are everywhere. Seems most appropriate here, though.

My heart is heavy.

I really liked and respected Barbara Bush. It certainly helped me form a bond with her since we shared the same first name. Growing up, there were not many Barbaras around which made me pay extra special attention to this one.

Plus she always seemed to have it all together.

Mrs. Bush reminded me of my aunts. Often when I heard her speak, I felt I was back at Aunt Marie’s house. When you were at Marie’s, you never knew what she or my other aunts were going to say. Whatever was said, you had to be prepared because it almost always came with a little bit of a bite while carrying with it the punch of a life time of filled with wide ranging experiences and subtle wisdom.

Unlike our world today, Barbara Bush always seemed the same whenever you saw her. Her body language was strong and confident, her face lined which reflected came from living a life full of challenges, and a smile that came quickly and had a sense of sincerity to it. Whenever I heard her speak she held true to herself and shared consistent set of family values. She never wavered from that–she’ speak her mind while living her life in a way that reflected back to the words she spoke. She spoke her truth. I may not have agreed with her at that point in my life but I always respected her point of view.

She was rare and she was beautiful.

It has not surprised me there have been so many tears shed these past few days as we all watch the clips and listen to her words one more time. We, the American people, lost a person who was real–someone who became and stayed as a member of our family.

Hearing she’d chosen to stop further medical care did not surprise me. She was leaving this life in the same manner she’d lived it–on her own terms. She passed on with her husband holding her hand and her family surrounding her. May we all be so blessed.

During a time when we’ve all been needing someone to believe in and hold on to, we have suffered a hard loss.

God bless you, Barbara Bush. Rest in peace.

“Carve your name on hearts, not tombstones. A legacy is etched into the minds of others and the stories they share about you.”

― Shannon L. Alder

“At the temple there is a poem called “Loss” carved into the stone. It has three words, but the poet has scratched them out. You cannot read loss, only feel it.” 

― Arthur Golden, Memoirs of a Geisha

I am…

B…simply being…

Love to you all.

~Peace~

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Offering it Up

When my sister was sick, a priest from the Parish my cousin attended agreed to come visit with her. Over her hospital stay, he visited with her whenever he called on his parishioners.

I’ll never know what their conversations were about or what he shared with her. I do know she was at peace after his visits–with her illness, herself, and her future.

Oh, we Catholics absorb and soak up guilt–it’s in our DNA. Whether we are practicing Catholics or not, the guilt remains–and it is strong.

Lucky for us all, my sister, Sue, my husband, and I, also met this wonderful priest. Not only did he help Beth–he brought the grace of God to us all.

Even now, nearly eleven years later, we still talk about Father Kiernan–how he always knew the right things to say while reminding us all there would be those times in our lives when we just had to find a way to let it go, move on, and “offer it up” to God.

Today I stumbled upon the following quote which reminded me of the priest who came into our lives when we needed him the most–talking with us, listening to us, and sharing his own stories and life lessons. He reminded us about the gift of patience, the grace of God, and the power of love.

Thank you, Father. I will remember you always.

“Sometimes you welcome people only for them to show you how unwelcoming you are. Sometimes you generously help people only for them to show you how extravagant and evil you are. Sometimes you teach people only for them to show you how ignorant you are. Sometimes you open your doors to people only for them to show you how dirty your room is. Sometimes you make way for people only for them to block your ways. Sometimes you draw people closer to you only for them to teach you the real meaning of betrayal and loneliness. Sometimes you smile to people only for them to show you the color of your teeth. Sometimes you play with people only for them to show you how uncouth you are. In life, sometimes, your very best intentions shall be seen as woefully bad. Sometimes in life, your very good deeds and acts would see another meaning, but no matter how people perceive, accept and treat you or your good intentions, acts and deeds, know yourself, and dare not to be changed by circumstances so easily! Regardless of how hurtful circumstances might be, dare to guard your heart and your tongue, so you may not speak what you should never say that can make you miss your reward from the Sovereign Lord. Keep doing what you have to do, as you have to do, as a living sacrifice to your Father who is in Heaven, knowing that your reward is from Him alone, and wait patiently with a calm and an understanding heart for your reward from Him, regardless of the arduous nature of the hurt and trials!” 

― Ernest Agyemang Yeboah

I am…

B…simply being…

God bless.

~Peace~ 

 

 

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The Gifts of Old Friends

“A good friend is a connection to life – a tie to the past, a road to the future, the key to sanity in a totally insane world.” 

― Lois Wyse

It has been a busy time here in Hibdonville.

I’ve been studying the Texas laws and regulations for boaters. The little bit of time I’ve spent on boats was time spent enjoying the ride. I’ve never been responsible for the safe operation of the boat. Needless to say, I have a lot to learn. Lucky for me, I the encouragement of old friends who tell me I’ll love every minute. They are wise and kind with many hours on the water. I will listen carefully to every tidbit shared and use it to accelerate my learning curve. Thanks, Captain Jodi. I’m open to all and any tips you can share with me.

On a more personal side, Mother’s Day is in a month. Every year, because my mom passed away when I was young, these are hard days.

In the past, I’d brush the uneasiness away, feeling I really should be well beyond all this unexplainable sadness.

As I age and become more comfortable with myself, I now freely admit it has never gotten easier. In fact, I believe each year provides me with new experiences which allow me to question things–I see things with a more open mind and heart. This gift of time has allowed me to step back and look at things as a mature woman instead of a very confused ten-year-old child.

This is a struggle I share with another dear friend. Over the years she reaches out to me during this time. Losing our moms is one of the life experiences we share.

We don’t have to say much to each other–words are useless anyway.

We understand each other at a gut level.

Knowing I have Jane to lean on has given me such comfort over the years. Thank you, my friend,  for sharing yourself, your experiences, and your friendship.

“No friendship is an accident. ” 

― O. Henry, Heart of the West

I am…

B…simply being…

God bless.

~Peace~

Thank you, Mary Lou Williams, for sharing your wonderful photo with me so I can use it for my blog today. You are a treasure. I love and thank you, for this, and for loving me.