Month: February 2018

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Telephonophobia

If The Phone Doesn’t Ring, It’s Me.

~Song title by Jimmy Buffett

I learned a new word today–telephonophobia. In case it’s a new word for you, let me tell you that it is a reluctance or fear of making or taking calls.

Interesting.

Who knew the kid who once begged for more time on the phone would become someone who really dislikes making and, at times, answering the phone?

Lucky for me, one of my best friends is not afraid. She’s been patient with me while I work my way through conquering this phobia. I’ve learned I need to prepare for important calls–set time aside so I am not distracted, making it easy for me to listen and concentrate. Even though I don’t like calls, once I’m taking part in the conversation, I am thrilled to have the opportunity to connect and share.

I was rewarded in the best way over the weekend. I was able to have a long conversation with my dear friend and old neighbor, Mary Beth. Thanks, MB, for taking a huge chunk out of your day and spending it with me. It wasn’t as great as sitting across the kitchen table with a glass or two of wine–but not bad for the distance that call erased for us both.

After we ended our call, I was so thankful for the time and stories we shared. I am so blessed and I am very grateful.

I found the following quote that sums our friendship up very well.

A woman or man of value doesn’t love you because of what he or she wants you to be or do for them. He or she loves you because your combined souls understand one another, complements each other, and make sense above any other person in this world. You each share a part of their soul’s mirror and see each other’s light reflected in it clearly. You can easily speak from the heart and feel safe doing so. Both of you have been traveling a parallel road your entire life. Without each other’s presence, you feel like an old friend or family member was lost. It bothers you, not because you have given it too much meaning, but because God did. This is the type of person you don’t have to fight for because you can’t get rid of them and your heart doesn’t want them to leave anyways.”
― Shannon L. Alder

I am…

B…simply being…

God bless.

~Peace~

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Problem Solving

I may look like I’m not doing anything, but I’m quite busy problem-solving, being creative, or just thinking in my head with about 30 tabs open.

I was scattered today and becoming frustrated.

No matter what I did, I could not get my mind to focus on any one thing. I started at least four different projects, completely none. This is usually a sign I’m trying to do too much. My mind felt like a scratched record–an analogy that definitely shows my age–thoughts and ideas skipping all over the place. I knew I just needed to stop.

I needed to find a way to balance myself–both mentally and physically.

I grabbed my work gloves, gathered some tools, and headed out to do some work in the yard. It’s too early to do much, but I could pull some weeds and clean up some of the flower beds. After an hour of connecting to the good Earth and Mother Nature, I was feeling much better.

I read some of Rabbi Naomi Levy’s book today, Talking to God.  I’d like to share with you a nighttime prayer from this book. I hope you’ll find comfort in Rabbi Levy’s words. May this prayer help you release the burdens and worries of this past week and allow you to rest and recharge fully this weekend.

A Night Prayer

With the darkness comes Your light. Earth and sky blend into one, the heavens seem closer now, the day’s burdens farther somehow. Your presence is almost palpable. Watch over me, God, body, and soul. Stay beside me through the night. Protect me from harm. Banish my fears. Send me dreams that are sweet, fill my heart with Your peace, set my mind at ease. And, at first light, please, restore me to new life. Amen.

Levy, Naomi. Talking to God: Personal Prayers for Times of Joy, Sadness, Struggle, and Celebration (p. 35). Knopf Doubleday Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.

I am…

B…simply being…

May God bless us all and keep us safe.

~Peace~

My thanks to Chuck Hackenmiller for allowing me to use his photo published in the I grew up in Iowa Facebook page. Please note, NO re-use permitted without permission from the photographer, Mr. Chuck Hackenmiller, Boone, Iowa.   

 

 

 

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Party Lines

Eavesdropping is such a regular-person activity.”
― Franny Billingsley, Chime

I had a flashback to my childhood today. It made me smile and a little sad.

The little town I grew up in had a large population of Czech families. Those memories include dishes with sauerkraut, heavenly pastries like kolaches, polka music, and party lines.

What?

For those who don’t know what party lines are, let me share what I remember. It won’t take long because I know very little about them. All I really know is how they played into my social life in the early to mid-sixties.

During this time several families or households shared phone lines. When you picked up the receiver, you’d hear a dial tone or overhear someone else’s conversation. The dial tone meant you could make your call, the sound of voices signaled you needed to replace the receiver and wait for your neighbor to finish their call.

If I’m remembering correctly, after three minutes of conversation,  you’d hear three short beeps, signaling you had one minute left of your call time. At the end of that minute, your call would be disconnected. This was an attempt to keep someone from tieing up the line for long periods of time. Now, if you were really fast and determined, you could redial your friend before your neighbor realized your call had ended.

Iowans are nice people. Even Iowans get cranky waiting to make a call. However, this was a great opportunity to practice passive/aggressive behavior. If you had been waiting for a long time, many of us began to pick up and replace the receiver frequently. Those maneuvers began softly. As time passed, aggression dictated the speed and the power of receiver placement. If that did not work, we’d pick up and just listen. The eavesdropper would be quiet at first, especially if the conversation was interesting. In my neighborhood, once we began listening, English was replaced by the language of the speakers native country. Since this made it pointless to listen, loud breathing would go into play accompanied by tongue clicks and heavy sighs.

It was a battle we rarely won. These little grandma ladies could tolerate all our teenage acting out and angst. They’d just talk louder and faster. When it would finally be our turn to make our call, they’d occasionally do a few payback moves. As a way to discourage them, we’d begin to speak in our special made-up languages, working to perfect “pig latin.”  As these skirmishes wore on, it was clear, we were no match for them.

Of course, our biggest fear was someone would pick up so quietly we would not hear them, unknowingly spilling a secret or two. Not only could those little grandma neighbors out talk us, they were super quiet–almost spy-like. Taking the risk to share secrets was a concern. There was one other little worry. What if these little ladies overheard you talking to someone you were not supposed to be talking to…somehow, our parents would know before we even ended the call.

All these thoughts made me pause as I picked up my cell phone. For all those automated phone tree customer service calls, I think I’d feel a lot less frustrated if I could make and end those calls more–let’s say–energetically by way of a heavy old rotary phone.

Maybe I should have kept one old phone just for that type of anger management?

I am…

B…simply being…  

God bless.

~Peace~

 

 

 

 

 

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Time for Me

“Solitude is where I place my chaos to rest and awaken my inner peace.”
― Nikki Rowe

I had this entire day to myself.

I know I need my alone time. It is important for my peace of mind and sense of self. Even after just a few hours, I am beginning to feel back in control of my world, my mind more centered, and the weight of that damn extra baggage I lug around with me everywhere has lightened up a little.

It was an excellent day. There was no agenda. I just had to show up and let things roll.

“I lied and said I was busy.
I was busy;
but not in a way most people understand.

I was busy taking deeper breaths.
I was busy silencing irrational thoughts.
I was busy calming a racing heart.
I was busy telling myself I am okay.

Sometimes, this is my busy –
and I will not apologize for it.”
― Brittin Oakman

I am…

B…simply being…

God bless.

~Peace~

 

 

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The Gift of Friends

“No friendship is an accident. ”
― O. Henry, Heart of the West

Today is the birthday of three of my friends.

Happy Birthday, Jodi, Linda, and Jim.

Each of you came into my life at different times, each bringing your own special and unique gifts. I am so thankful.

As I take a walk down Memory Lane, the first person I’d meet is Linda. Linda and I were friends in grade school and junior high. She always had a smile and was full of energy. I loved her for her sense of adventure. She seemed fearless. An added bonus was the fact that my Dad knew her parents meaning I could actually go to her house after school. Linda lived in the country. For a town kid like me, that was so incredibly special because that meant I got to ride the bus. I never knew what to expect when we arrived at her house “out in the country.”

Now…I have to confess…as fearless as Linda was I was her direct counterbalance in this Universe. I was afraid of EVERYTHING.

Of course, I could not act like I was afraid so I had to devise all kinds of maneuvers to appear to be just fine with whatever it was we needed to get done as far as completing her chores. The most consistent thing to challenge my acting ability was the Houdini escape pig who always seemed to get out just before the school bus arrived. That pig was HUGE in my skinny little town kid eyes! It was our job to herd that big beast back home to the pen. I spent more time and energy running in some sort of zig-zag pattern making every effort to stay as far away from the pig as possible. I really really really disliked that hog. I was little, if any, help. We (meaning Linda) did eventually get him back where he belonged. Thank you, Linda Wendt Mossman, for being a friend then and now. Happy Birthday.

The next person I’d meet on the stroll today would be Jodi. She was one of the first people I met after moving to Waterloo from Traer. What a culture shock for me–moving from a small community school to a small city school. I was scared to death most of that first month of school. Jodi and I had many things in common–which neither one of us really shared until we were much older. I think kids are so open we felt our common bonds even without speaking about them. She never ever gave up on me and was successful in breaking me out of the house for different get-togethers. I was so grateful to her for never having to explain some of the craziness she saw going on at our house. Now, we laugh about some of those times. After we graduated we stayed close friends until I moved to Denver in the mid-eighties. I still miss those weekend nights when we would sit around her kitchen table and share stories from our week. When I count my blessings, Jodi McGrane Verbraken is definitely at the top of the list. Happy Birthday, my dear friend who has been by my side for so many life-changing things. I cherish you and love you.

The person furthest down memory lane is Jim. I met Jim and his wife, Jan, at a little RV park in one of the most beautiful places on this planet. Michael and I had our RV parked in Pleasant Valley, in the little town Howard, along the Arkansas River,  for many years. Jim and Jan and many others used this little spot along the river as a weekend getaway when we were all still working in Denver. I didn’t get a chance to really get to know Jim until we had retired. Both Jim and his wife, Jan, have the most contagious laughs on the planet along with being two of the most giving people on the planet. I am so grateful I have them as friends. Happy Birthday, Jim Finegan. I am looking forward to seeing you and Jan next week.

It’s not Carolyn’s birthday today but that is her needlepoint wall hanging I am using as my story photo. Carolyn and I worked together at St. Francis Hospital in Waterloo, Iowa, for many many years. I carried this little wall hanging with me for decades–some of the age shows around the edges. I hung it where I could see it every morning–its last place was just inside my closet door–Carolyn greeted me every day before I hit the road to work. When we sold our house and became full-time RVers, I had to let many things go. This was one. So, tearfully I took a picture of it, knowing it would now be well-preserved. Thank you, Carolyn Nederhoff for this wonderful gift that symbolized our friendship and helped get me through my working days without your giving spirit. I think of you often and send you my love today. I hope one of our old hospital gang will share this with you. Many hugs sent to you today and always.

“A spiritual connection with someone lasts forever, even when physical presence fades.”
― Danielle Barone

I am…

B…simply being…

I am blessed and I am grateful.

~Peace~

 

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This is Us

Then I thought, boy, isn’t that just typical? You wait and wait and wait for something, and then when it happens, you feel sad.”
― Sharon Creech, Absolutely Normal Chaos

Even though I told myself I would not do it until I had a few things crossed off my to-do list, I just watched the latest episode of This is Us. My to-do list is untouched.

As it began, I almost turned it off. I wasn’t sure I was ready.

Like we’ve all known for a long time, I knew Jack was going to die. I expected him to die in the fire. As the story unfolded, I was caught off guard by all the memories that came flooding into my mind. All those patients I’d seen in similar situations over the years–I was surprised by the flashback of faces and their tragic scenarios. I was not prepared for that.

I don’t know how these amazing writers could have thrown in anything more to trigger tears that would crescendo into sobs. From Kevin’s list of making amends to the fire turning the kitchen into an inferno to Jack escaping from the house with the dog. The images and stories this show ignites are beyond compare. I’d gone through a whole box of kleenex. I was sobbing and very grateful to be home alone. I am definitely a person who needs her space when it’s time for a good cry.

This show never fails to make me think, reminding me how fragile life really is and how I need to let go of the small stuff, staying aware and grateful.

“Thank you for the day and night,
for rainy spells and summer’s light.
Thank you for the skies of blue
and puffy clouds in grayish hue.
Thank you for the giggle fest
and midnight’s cloak to hasten rest.
Thank you for tomorrow new
and yesterday’s tomorrow too.
Thank you for “I’m glad we met”
and also for “we haven’t yet.”
Thank you for the peace of mind
a grateful soul doth always find.”
― Richelle E. Goodrich, Slaying Dragons

I am…

B…simply being…

God bless us all.

~Peace~

 

 

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Saddle Up

“Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.”
― Jim Morrison

The things that scared me have often surprised me as much as they’ve nearly paralyzed me.

Learning to scuba dive was one of those times.

I loved to swim. I felt I was a good swimmer. My form was probably questionable but I never doubted my overall strength.

Learning how to scuba dive taught me a lot about myself. All was well until we put all our gear on and went under water for the first time.

When the time came to put my head underwater and take that first breath through our regulator–I panicked.

I could not get it through my head I really could breathe underwater. I had to get a handle on my fear and get it under control. Michael and I had made plans to go to Maui. Diving was a big part of it. In fact, we scheduled everything around me doing my final check out dive in there.

I was struggling and my fear was escalating. Honestly, I have no idea how I was able to pass all my pool testing and advance to the point where I qualified for the final open water exam. As we traveled to Maui, I prayed I’d be able to complete this final test. For me, it was a test in every possible way.

When we arrived in Maui we went to the dive shop and signed up for a couple of dives. My checkout dive would be done during our first dive. I met the dive master, John, who would be doing my open water exam. I was honest, telling him I was pretty nervous about making my first dive in the ocean. John listened to my concerns, shared some of his personal stories which helped put me at ease. By the time we left I was feeling much more ready and a little more self-confident.

That first dive was early the next morning. We were both ready to get this dive under our belts so we arrived bright and early.  As I gathered all my gear and began to set up for my dive, I looked around for John. Michael was watching me carefully knowing I was nervous. When he noticed John was not around, he went to get an update. The captain of the boat told us John had a family emergency so he would not be there. My heart sank. My nerves kicked into high gear. The new dive master would be over soon to meet us, the captain said. We just needed to hold tight.

As I watched the crew load the boat, I heard someone call my name. I turned to find a woman about my height holding out her hand. I am sure my mouth had fallen open as she introduced herself to me. There, standing in front of me, was a person who looked EXACTLY like my ninth grade swimming instructor, Miss Katzer.

Miss Katzer was quite a character–to say the very least. She was a drill sergeant–a wiry woman with a head full of wild dishwater blonde hair who rarely talked in a normal tone of voice. Everything was screamed out. She expected you to listen–no talking–NO GUM CHEWING. If she saw you chewing gum, she’d pull out the coffee can she always seemed to have at her fingertips and yell for you to spit it out into the can.

Miss Katzer was also known for an injury she had which resulted in her losing toes on one of her feet–a feature she pointed out often as she warned us about the dangers of water skiing.

Why is any of this important?

This dive master who would be doing my check out dive looked so much like Miss Katzer I immediately looked down at her feet to see if she was missing toes. Even though her feet were intact, I was immediately at ease. I knew I would be able to complete my dive–and I did. We completed that day of diving and did several other dives while we were there.

When we returned home and went back to work, I discovered my outlook on many of the problems I’d had at work had changed. My level of anxiety was markedly decreased. What made me nervous just a couple of weeks ago no longer had any power over me. Conquering this mega fear created a landslide of changes in the rest of my life. I knew without a doubt I no longer had anything to fear.

“Courage is being scared to death, but saddling up anyway.”
― John Wayne

I am…

B…simply being…

God bless us all as we head out to our weekend.

“You have peace,” the old woman said, “when you make it with yourself.”
― Mitch Albom, The Five People You Meet in Heaven

 

 

 

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February 1

“When the groundhog casts his shadow
And the small birds sing
And the pussy willows happen
And the sun shines warm
And when the peepers peep
Then it is Spring”
― Margaret Wise Brown

Even though I know there is a lot of Winter left, I love the first day of February.

Growing up in Iowa, I understand winters can be long and hard. February is the time I begin to believe Spring really will come. It’s hard to keep the faith when you battle wind, snow, and below zero temperatures day after day for what feels like months.

I was not foolish enough to believe that those cold days were over. But, with one quick twist of just one calendar page, my belief in the coming spring renewed.

Even though I am now in a much milder climate, I am still excited to see the subtle changes happening around me. There’s something about having something to look forward to after the challenges and the isolation of winter. I am thankful for my positive outlook, realizing there are many who struggle with seasonal depression.

Depression is a serious problem any time of the year for those of us who hesitate to ask for help. I’ve found a way to work around this problem by checking up on my friends more closely. The gift of giving them some of my time helps me as much, if not more than it helps them. Super bonus–all this happens without having to ask for anything!

I’ve noticed as I’ve gotten older, I’ve become very protective of my time. When someone gives me the gift of their time, it is precious to me.

Make an investment of your time today–call and reach out to someone you love. Share a little of yourself while telling them how important they are to you.

It’s another win-win deal. You gotta love that.

“we must take care of our families wherever we find them.”
― Elizabeth Gilbert

I am…

B…simply being…

God bless.

Peace

“You have peace,” the old woman said, “when you make it with yourself.”
― Mitch Albom, The Five People You Meet in Heaven