Anticipation

“Well,” said Pooh, “what I like best,” and then he had to stop and think. Because although Eating Honey was a very good thing to do, there was a moment just before you began to eat it which was better than when you were, but he didn’t know what it was called.” 

A. A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh

I wonder how many people find themselves a little depressed after the Christmas hustle and bustle?

Sometimes the anticipation fueled by our expectations sets us up for disappointment.

Which reminds me of the year my sisters and I figured out how to open and preview all of our Christmas presents.

I’m not sure who figured out a single edge razor blade would cleanly cut the tape of the wrapping paper. A few careful slices here and there and we had it all within our grasp.

Our  super sleuthing evolved as we took on each and every package under the tree. Proudly we declared no wrapped package could or would defeat us.

Because we did not understand the consequences of our prank, our ego and pride combined in such a way that the basic components of the Christmas season were lost before we even realized something was missing. We’d reached the point of no return, losing that element of surprise which immediately took away the one thing that there has no substitute–anticipation.

“Sometimes what we lack is the thrill of anticipation or the delay of gratification. We enjoy things far more when we’ve really desired them but had to wait for them. The real value is found in our self-control and patience, which allows us to delay gratification and build anticipation. Letting desire build is an abstract way to achieve balance and moderation in your life… Moderation just may be the answer to boredom – go figure!”                            Cristin Frank

I am…

B…simply being…

~Peace~

 

Ego

“Patience, he thought. So much of this was patience – waiting, and thinking and doing things right. So much of all this, so much of all living was patience and thinking.” 

Gary Paulsen, Hatchet

I’ve had zero patience with myself this past week. My self talk has been especially nasty.

I’ve blamed it on the heat–maybe I’m dehydrated. I’m tired–maybe I need a nap. I did just get home after traveling and indulging in those late conversations fueled by excellent wine and amazing company.

Maybe…

All those ideas are basically old excuses made so I can dismiss the negativity. I’m a pretty quick study and I have that worn out puzzle memorized–connecting all the dots is a snap and in a matter of minutes every uncomfortable question is excused away.

Case closed–moving on.

NOT so fast, girl friend.

I’ve discovered any issue explained in such a neat and easy fashion must be flagged as dangerous. More often than not, I’ve read or heard something that stirred up something in my past that remains hidden in my subconscious mind.

It gets tricky trying to understand what triggered the internal alarm that alerted my insecure and fragile ego. This summer I’ve been pushing hard against all those walls I’ve constructed over the past sixty years. I suspect the answer may be as simple as slowing down some–giving myself more space a little more time.

Right now, at this very moment, I’m thinking it’s time to pour the wine, take a deep breath, and give thanks for all the good surrounding me.

“We can not solve our problems with the same level of thinking that created them” 

Albert Einstein

I am…

B…simply being…

I am blessed and I am grateful.

~Peace be with you~