Tag: Brene Brown

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Starting a 2019 Awareness List

Without self-awareness and the ability to manage our emotions, we often unknowingly lead from hurt, not heart. Not only is this a huge energy suck for us and the people around us, it creates distrust, disengagement, and an eggshell culture.  Brené Brown

Over the weekend I saw Brene Brown on our local PBS station talking about her newest book, Daring to Lead.

I and many many others adore this woman.

If you aren’t familiar with her, the best way to “meet” her is to google her and watch her TED talks. The first time I heard her I was speechless and in tears. In a matter of minutes she opened my eyes to so many things.

As 2018 nears its final days, many of us begin to plan the for new year. Self-awareness is on my list. I no longer see it as a self-improvement list. How can I improve when I am unaware?

So–becoming aware is where I will begin 2019.

I’m thinking I’m not the only one who needs to re-evaluate their starting position. Kinda like that old game of Monopoly–you cannot pass go until….

At the top of my goals is investing the time to read Brene’s books. I have them all either on my shelf–thanks to my little used book store–or on my Kindle.

But here’s the deal–

Reading them is so hard because everything she says resounds so strongly with me. As I read I find myself thrown back in time–which is where I need to begin.

I know I need to address the old issues I’ve carried around with me for decades–like it or not–for a while, it really will be one step forward and one step back.

Because her words encourage me, I re-posted Brene’s blog on my Facebook page today and clipped parts to share here.

“Leading from hurt” behaviors can be fueled by feeling no value from our partner or our children, so we double down on being seen as “important” at work by taking credit for ideas that aren’t ours, staying in comparison mode, and always knowing instead of learning. The most common driver of the hurt that I’ve observed is from our first families.

The first-family stuff can look like seeking the approval and acceptance from colleagues that we never received from our parents. Also, if our parents’ professional failures and disappointments shaped our upbringing, we can spend our careers trying to undo that pain. That often takes the shape of an insatiable appetite for recognition and success, of unproductive competition, and, on occasion, of having zero tolerance for risk.

Identifying the source of the pain that’s driving how we lead and how we show up for other people is important, because returning to that place and doing that work is the only real fix. Projecting the pain onto others places it where it doesn’t belong and leads to serious trust violations. Our long, hard search for whatever it is that we need never ends and leaves a wake of disconnection.

One of the key learnings emerging from our leadership study took my breath away: Leaders must either invest a reasonable amount of time attending to fears and feelings or squander an unreasonable amount of time trying to manage ineffective and unproductive behavior.  Well, leader, heal thyself.

I am…

B…simply being…

~Peace~

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Rising Up

It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena; whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly…who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly. 

Theodore Roosevelt, “Man in the Arena”

 

I was reading Brene Brown’s book, Rising Strong, when I realized my blog is my arena. This is the place I show up and risk being seen. I agree with Brene when she said we all want to show up and be seen in our lives. But, there is a catch. In order to do that, we will all struggle and fail–meaning we will be brave and be broken-hearted. It is by getting back up on our feet–rising up–we learn who we are.

This book will not be a fast read for me. So much of what Brene says validates the struggles I am going through right now in my life. It is another example of the teacher showing up when the student is ready. Yes, Brene Brown, I am ready, and I’ll share a little with y’all.

Brene talks about “wholeheartedness.” She describes wholeheartedness as “cultivating the courage, compassion, and connection to wake up and say, no matter what gets done and how much is left undone, I am enough. At night saying, yes, I am imperfect and vulnerable, and sometimes afraid, but that does not change the truth that I am brave and worthy of love and belonging.”

She continues by telling us we must show up and be seen “even if that means we are risking failure, hurt, shame, and heartbreak. Doing otherwise is killing us–killing our spirits, our hopes, our potential, our creativity, our ability to lead, our love our faith, our joy…when we own our stories, we avoid being trapped as characters in stories someone else is telling.”

The timing of this seemed especially poignant to me after a week filled with many people coming forward to share their experiences with sexual harassment.

“There are too many people today who instead of feeling hurt are acting out their hurt; instead of acknowledging pain, they’re inflicting pain on others. Rather than risking feeling disappointed, they’re choosing to live disappointed.”

“…We more need people who are willing to demonstrate what it looks like to risk and endure failure, disappointment, and regret–people willing to feel their own hurt instead of working it out on other people, people willing to own their own stories, live their values, and keep showing up.”

I found a real treasure today. Thanks, Brene Brown.

I am…

B…simply being…

I love you and wish you all a wonderful weekend.

Peace