I stopped swimming a few months ago. I was exhausted.
It took a long time to pull myself away from the stuff I’d been skillfully avoiding most of my life.
As Easter and Passover approach, many of us will be gathering with family and friends. Some of us, for the first or the fiftieth time, will experience silent phones and empty chairs.
A few months ago, I realized no one ever talked about my mom after she died. No one spoke her name–ever. At the time I don’t think my young friends knew what to say and the adults around us didn’t want to make us sad.
That way of handling loss and grief became the model of how I dealt with loss the rest of my life–get over it–move on.
It wasn’t until Thanksgiving a couple of years ago I realized lighting a votive candle for those who were not with us made me feel as though they were there. After thinking about that practice, I began to understand those I’d lost over the years really were near. Their energy–their spirit–had always been with me.
My take away lesson from my thoughts today is this: talk about those who have passed on. It is healing to hear people mention your loved ones–it helps everyone realize they are not forgotten as well as open an avenue for sharing stories and memories.
A small little thing happened this week as Michael and I were in the garage. There’s been a moving box sitting against the wall since we moved in six years ago. This box is labeled “Viv’s bowl.” Vivian was my mom. I’m not sure what’s in that box but I am sure it will be in that corner for as long as we live here.
Get creative and find ways to commemorate your loved ones and share your stories this holiday weekend.
Peace be with you, my friends.